


Things that Happen

by TinCanTelephone



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Family, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Hoth, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Light Angst, Missions Gone Wrong, Pre-Relationship, Serious Injuries, Undercover, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/pseuds/TinCanTelephone
Summary: Jyn and Cassian survive Scarif. Their lives afterwards aren't always happy or easy… but sometimes they are.Good things and not-so-good things that happen in Jyn and Cassian's life after the Death Star.





	1. Echo Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Maybe she'd ask how he felt, and wouldn't believe him when he said he felt fine, and maybe she'd put her hand on his shoulder again._
> 
>  
> 
> Cassian's pretty sure he has friends now, which is weird. He also kind of wishes one of them were a bit more… friendly.

Hoth was a miserable planet. It wasn't _just_ the cold. It was the _constant_ cold. Cassian liked to think he was pretty well traveled, and he'd experienced his fair share of winters and ice planets, but he was convinced this was different. The weather never varied outside of snowing and not snowing. The days stayed short and the nights stayed long. Little refuge could be found inside the base. While every cabin was heated by necessity, the corridors were not, and the mess hall and makeshift training room only minimally so. It affected morale, evidenced by meals between friends taken in tense silence and quick, vicious arguments that would break out in the serving line, the corridors, and the hangar. It reminded Cassian of marketplaces he'd seen in deserts and jungles, where the heat made everyone irritable and liable to snap at the slightest provocation. It was a theory of his that extreme temperatures put people on edge.

The Rogue One crew was not immune, him included. The sparring practice he and Jyn had gotten into the habit of doing every morning (well, it was initially her habit he'd kind of piggybacked on) now devolved into bickering after barely an hour, leaving her prickly and likely to snap even at Bodhi during breakfast, while he watched in stony silence, unable to break up the ensuing argument for fear he would join in as well.

Kay-Tu, aside from needing slightly more lubrication that usual, seemed unaffected by the cold temperament-wise, but his sardonic comments became more grating and he'd acquired several new dents as a result of unwanted assessments of Jyn's repair jobs in the hangar. Baze and Chirrut seemed to be the only ones able to live in perfect harmony on Echo Base, but in his state of near constant exasperation after a few standard weeks on Hoth, Cassian only found Chirrut's mysterious smiles and Baze's easy stoicism more infuriating.

The unity of his team (and, if he was honest with himself, his own sanity) at stake, he volunteered Bodhi and Jyn for the next three-person mission Draven presented him. If only they could all get off this kriffing planet and remember that in the end, they all trusted and maybe even liked each other.

Thankfully, the mission was supposed to be simple and there was little disagreement on how to go about it. Cassian's contact (by a loose definition of the term) was a slippery Rodian called Erido currently based on Nal Hutta. The Rebellion had used Cassian's real name and associated reputation to convince Erido to meet and divulge information on Imperial spies in the Outer Rim, betting that Erido would attempt to turn Cassian over to a bounty hunter at the same time in order to profit from two different sources in the same meeting.

Cassian was not a huge fan of this setup, as it gave Erido no reason not to lie about Imperial spies, but Draven dismissed his concerns on the grounds that Erido had provided good information before and had he had recently been cheated on a bounty, giving him little love for the Empire. Cassian could only hope this disdain extended to _not_ turning him in, but even so, the current plan had Jyn loitering outside the Hutt-run pleasure house serving as a meeting point, ready to short a few wires and create a distraction should Erido live up to expectations.

 

* * *

 

The plan mostly worked, and by the standards of Rogue One Cassian thought this should be considered an unbelievable success. Sure, Erido pulled a blaster on him as soon as he saw his account fill with credits from the rebellion, but Jyn heard Bodhi's stammered signal ("This drink is too strong") and created a distraction right on cue. She'd promised either a blackout or an air raid alarm, but to Cassian's (in hindsight, rather foolish) surprise, created both, doubling the chaos and confusion through which he and Bodhi had to make their escape out of the pleasure house, through the driving rain, and back to the ship, where Kay-Tu was waiting and ready for takeoff.

Jyn made it to the ship before the men and met them on the gangplank, scowling. "What took you so long?"

"There is an 80% chance your 'distraction' hindered their escape," Kay said from the copilot's seat. "Another reason you are not reliable in the field."

Jyn seethed. "I'm _extremely_ reliable. They wanted a distraction, and I provided one."

"Jyn, you did a fine job," Cassian said, stripping his soaked outer layer and making a mental note to get his entire outfit deep cleaned before the oily musk of Nal Hutta became permanently bound to his clothing.

"In fact, you went above and beyond," Bodhi said from the pilot's seat.

"So there," Jyn muttered in Kay's general direction.

"Your actions increased Cassian's risk of serious injury by 47%."

"That's less than 50. I'll take it," Jyn said.

Bodhi huffed. "What about my risk of serious injury?"

Kay ignored him. "You callousness is further evidence that you provide inadequate support in the field."

"Give me a break, they would've been sitting ducks in there without me. You're just bitter because you had to stay on the ship. Again." Jyn smirked.

Kay's eyes flashed and the argument might've continued for Force knows how long, so Cassian decided it might be time to step in. "Give it a rest, Kay. Jyn did fine. We both made it out with no serious injuries."

Kay protested, "Captain, be that as it may, you must admit–"

Cassian pressed his fingers to his temples. After the three Nal Huttan days spent in miserable weather casing the pleasure house before the meeting, then fleeing the meeting itself, he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than some peace and quiet and a decent rest. "Kay, not now."

Jyn turned to Cassian and narrowed her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just tired. Bodhi, are you okay taking the first shift?"

Bodhi nodded. "Get some rest, Captain."

With that, Cassian climbed below deck to his bunk and was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow.

 

"Captain. Wake up. Captain. Captain."

Cassian felt a hand on his shoulder dragged his eyes open to see Bodhi crouched in front of him. "What is it."

Bodhi cleared his throat. "Um. Well. It's been almost ten standard hours. It's, uh, technically your turn at the helm."

Cassian rolled onto his back. Kriff. Ten hours? Why did he still feel so tired? He ran a hand over his face and tried to blink the sleep away. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sleep that long."

"It's okay. It looked like you needed it."

"What about you? Have you slept yet?" Cassian squinted at Bodhi, noting the lines on his face and circles under his eyes.

"Not yet. I wasn't sure about leaving Jyn and Kay up there alone. It's on autopilot now but you never know…"

"Probably a good idea." Cassian sat up and had to blink the spots out of his eyes from being horizontal too long.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Bodhi said.

Why did everyone keep asking that? "I'm fine. Didn't sleep very well, I guess."

"Sorry." Bodhi cleared his throat again and frowned. "I'm going to, uh, go get some sleep myself. See you in five hours."

 

"Your relief is here." Cassian leaned over the pilot's chair where Jyn appeared to be dozing.

She jumped and Cassian dodged a wayward fist. "Kriffing Force, Cassian." She sighed and slumped back into the chair.

He grinned. "So you definitely weren't asleep at the helm?"

She glared. "I was _resting my eyes_ , Captain, thank you very much."

Kay made a derisive noise and said, "Sergeant Erso certainly entered the first stage of Non-REM sleep. It is fortuitous that we have remained on autopilot and in hyperspace or else–"

"Thank you, Kay," Cassian said. He put a hand on Jyn's shoulder. "And thank you, Jyn. I can take it from here."

In hindsight, his hand might have rested on her shoulder a bit too long, only falling back to his side when she stood up. She circled the chair and looked closely at him. "Did you sleep well?"

"I'm fine."

Jyn rolled her eyes. "Clearly." She stared at him for another second, then brushed past him to her bunk.

Cassian slumped into the vacated chair and stared very hard at the nothingness in front of him. He heard Kay turn its head. _Don't say it._

"Is there a reason you have just lied to Sergeant Erso?"

"That wasn't a lie. Just tired."

"That is illogical. You have just slept for ten standard hours." The droid cocked its head. "Which is 25% longer than normal. Perhaps Pilot Rook interrupted your natural sleep cycle."

"That must be it," Cassian said. He shuffled in his seat, trying to find a more comfortable position. He blinked slowly. And damn if his eyes didn't want to stay closed.

"That is one possibility." Kay paused. "Are you ill?"

Cassian forced his eyes open to glare at his droid. "No. It's… the first thing you said. The sleep cycle thing."

"Fatigue even after sufficient rest is a symptom of multiple illnesses."

"Kay, I'm not sick."

"You cannot state that with 100% certainty at this time."

Cassian turned firmly away to face front again.

"There is a 61% chance the cause of your fatigue is illness."

"You've been wrong before."

"I am rarely wrong. Would you like to know the odds that I am wrong?"

"No."

"Would you prefer to sit in silence?"

"I would."

"They're low."

 

Cassian jerked awake to Jyn standing in front of him. "Who's sleeping at the helm now?"

Cassian dragged a hand over his face. "Kriff. How long have I been asleep?"

"Forty-Five standard minutes," Kay said.

"Dammit. Kay, why didn't you wake me?" Cassian said. He anxiously scanned the control panel for anything irregular.

"I can assure you that nothing out of the ordinary has occurred," Kay said. "I would have woken you in the event of any possible danger."

"Why didn't you wake me anyway?"

Kay hesitated, then said, "Based on your cognitive functioning and other physiological symptoms, I judged it best to let you remain asleep for the time being."

Jyn frowned. "What physiological symptoms? Cassian, are you sure you're okay?"

"For the last time, I'm fi–" In a frustrating twist of irony, something in caught in Cassian's throat on the word 'fine' and he had to cough.

Jyn raised an eyebrow.

Cassian met her eyes and raised his chin. "I'm fine."

Jyn huffed. "Good one. Technically it's Bodhi's turn but I didn't want to wake him. I heard him coughing a bit before he fell asleep." She paused. "I'm sure he's 'fine,' too."

"I do not think either of you are using that term correctly," Kay said.

Cassian suppressed a groan and rubbed his forehead. The general malaise he'd felt since waking up for his shift (or, if he was honest with himself, since taking off) was finally manifesting into a dull headache and, now that he thought about it, a dry throat that burned whenever he swallowed. Perfect.

 

* * *

 

Whatever hope Cassian had of shaking this by the time they reached Hoth evaporated when the ship entered the atmosphere and the change in pressure made his head throb until he was nauseous. A glance across the cargo hold told him he was not alone. Bodhi was also looking rather green and had his head cradled in his hands as if he was trying to physically hold it together.

"You two are a mess," Jyn said as she helped them with their bags.

"Shut up," Cassian grumbled. "This is Bodhi's fault."

"Bantha-shit," Bodhi said. "I definitely caught this from you."

"That is improbable," Kay said.

"So there," Cassian said. The effect of his comment was diluted when he shivered in the cold of the hangar and attempted to bury his face in his jacket.

"It is far more likely that you both acquired the virus while frequenting that disreputable establishment on Nal Hutta," Kay finished.

"Ha. So _there,_ " Bodhi said hoarsely.

Jyn rolled her eyes. "Kay, just get their stuff to their cabins."

Kay squared its shoulders. "Sergeant Erso, I am hardly a _housekeeping_ droid–"

"Fine. Let Cassian freeze tonight. I know for a fact all his socks are in there."

The droid considered this for a moment, then complied, grumbling about how such tasks were beneath him.

Cassian tried very hard not to make his voice sound like a whine. "Jyn, I can carry my own stuff–"

"All right, let's get you guys to the medbay."

Cassian felt a very strong grip on his sleeve and suddenly he was being pulled rather roughly through the corridors of Echo Base. He resisted the urge to argue, afraid it would sound like whining again. He didn't know what it was, he'd suffered through illnesses before without so much as acknowledging them to anyone. Then again, he supposed before now there hadn't really been anyone to listen besides Kay, who wasn't particularly sympathetic.

At the medbay he and Bodhi were quickly diagnosed with bad colds, given anti-inflammatory tablets, and told to take it easy. Bodhi grumbled that he thought this anticlimactic because he felt like he might be dying. Cassian said nothing but silently agreed with him. His head felt like it was stuffed with nerf wool, slowing down his thoughts to practically one sentence at a time and the cold air irritated his lungs, which made him cough, which made his throat hurt. More. It was an infuriating loss of control over his own body, but he found it hard to dwell on that through the crushing fatigue he could almost feel pressing on his shoulders.

He barely remembered leaving the medbay, and blinked when he found himself standing outside his cabin, Jyn entering his passcode like it was her own. Bodhi was nowhere to be seen, probably already dead asleep in his own cabin. He sat on his bed and resisted the powerful urge to lie down, afraid if he did he'd never want to get up again. Jyn knelt by the bag Kay had left on the floor near his desk and begin rifling through it. He took a deep breath, trying to push through the fog in his brain and string more than two coherent thoughts together.

"Jyn. We've got to… we've got to meet Draven. The mission debrief starts in…" He squinted at the chrono on the wall. "Ten minutes."

Jyn barely glanced up from his bag. "You're not going to the debrief."

"I can do it. Just let me…"

Jyn shook her head, pulled something out of his bag and stood up. "Cassian, you look completely dead on your feet and you're not even standing." She handed him some loose clothes she'd pulled out of his bag. "Just change into these, take your medicine, and go to sleep. I'll take care of the debrief."

Cassian didn't know if the mental image of Draven's face at the prospect of receiving a mission debrief from Jyn alone was funny or terrifying but he was too tired to decide. He stared dully at his sleeping clothes in one hand and tablets in the other. "You're sure you're okay doing that?" He knew it was a mistake as soon as he said it.

Jyn stiffened and took a small step away from him. "Of course."

He waited for her to yell at him for not trusting her in the rebellion or her ability to fulfill her responsibilities. She said nothing, but didn't come closer, which he almost thought was worse. There was a long, awkward silence. "Sorry," he muttered.

"No. It's, um. It's okay." Jyn stepped hesitantly back towards him and put a hand on his shoulder so lightly he barely felt it.

He supposed it wasn't really all that comforting, but he desperately wanted to lean into it. He wanted to collapse into her arms and let her comfort him. If anything would make him feel better, he thought that would.

 

* * *

 

Cassian didn't leave his cabin for the entirety of the following day and most of the next, barely leaving his bed for an occasional trip to the 'fresher. He ate the bare minimum of the meals Kay-Tu brought him from the mess and pulled a pillow over his head when the droid started talking about adequate nutrient intake. Mostly, he slept. Sleeping was the best way to forget about how much his throat hurt, how his nose wouldn't stop running, and how annoyed he was that no matter how much he slept, he was still tired.

Jyn never visited. He saw her mission report uploaded less than two hours after the briefing, a record time for her, he thought. He tried to read it over, but soon got distracted imagining her coming in unexpected and unannounced, just typing in his code from memory and walking in like she lived here too and bragging smugly that she could be a good soldier when she chose to be. Then maybe she'd ask how he felt, and wouldn't believe him when he said he felt fine, and maybe she'd put her hand on his shoulder again.

 _Force, you're pathetic_. Cassian shivered and pulled the blanket over his face.

 

He mustered some energy in the second afternoon to shower. Hot water on Hoth turned off automatically after seven minutes, and he usually finished in five anyway but this time he used all seven, breathing in as much steam as he could in an attempt to clear his lungs and sinuses. He turned the water off before it ran cold and dressed quickly in the warmest layers he could find. If he didn't waste time, he could probably make dinner in the mess hall tonight, show everyone he could shake this in less than two days. He fastened his blue parka all the way and pulled hood over his head before stepping into the hallway. He'd look like one of the thin-blooded new recruits but he didn't care. His first breath in the frigid air of the corridor caught in his lungs and he had to pause in the hall to cough, but quickly regained control and entered the mess hall looking what he hoped was mostly normal.

He found Jyn, Kay, Chirrut, and Baze at their usual table, laughing and looking like they were having a perfectly good time without him. Which he wasn't bothered by. At all. Bodhi was there too, looking rather worn but mostly recovered. He sat down next to his partner in suffering and hoped he could merge seamlessly into the group without anyone making a fuss. He should be so lucky.

Chirrut commented first. "The Captain has decided to join us as well! Our team is once again complete."

"Feeling better?" Baze grunted, glancing at Cassian over his plate.

"Yes," Cassian croaked. He cleared his throat. "Getting there."

Kay-Tu leaned forward. "You still show elevated levels of inflammation in your–"

"Thanks, Kay." Cassian gave the droid a stern look and made a point of eating his dinner.

Bodhi thumped him lightly on the shoulder. "Good to have you back, Captain."

Cassian noted with some annoyance that _his_ voice sounded clear. He looked over his food at Jyn, sitting across from him, who was still silent.

She looked back at him with a carefully unreadable expression. "I'm glad you're feeling better," she murmured, then turned back to her plate.

 _That's it?_ Cassian tried not to feel disappointed. _It's fine. She cares. This is just how she shows it._ Kriffing Force, what was wrong with him? He shouldn't care this much about what Jyn did. He ran a hand over his face. He just hadn't shaken this cold quite yet. Next week, everything would be back to normal.

 

* * *

 

Bodhi was back to normal next week, going about his cheerful, if slightly jumpy, way as if nothing had happened. And damn if Cassian didn't hate him just a little bit for that. Most of his symptoms had cleared up as well, but his stamina wasn't quite back to where it was he still hadn't shaken the cough. It was distracting while he was reading reports and a literal pain to suppress during briefings. At the most recent meeting with Leia and Mon Mothma he'd actually had to excuse himself and step into the corridor to let out a string of barking coughs, louder and more painful than he'd expected. He glared at the few soldiers giving him concerned looks and re-entered the room as if nothing had happened, but he didn't miss the way Mon Mothma almost imperceptibly softened her tone and even Leia acted gentler than usual. It grated on his nerves. He didn't want anyone's silent pity, he was _fine_. No one needed to bother themselves with the state of his health.

Of course, the one person whose concern he might've accepted was the one paying the least noticeable attention. Jyn never so much as commented on his cough, let Bodhi or Chirrut ask solicitous questions, and acted like everything was completely normal. The day after he had to step out of his meeting with Leia, he also missed their morning training session, and in the back of his mind Cassian hoped Jyn would come to his bunk looking for him, asking why he overslept, asking if he was okay.

She didn't, and Cassian spent the rest of the day in a terrible mood. He couldn't muster much of an appetite for breakfast, and spent most of it glaring down at his bowl and fiddling with his spoon. The cold air seemed to bite harder than usual. He shivered through three layers and tried to pay attention to the repairs he was making on the ship but he kept dropping the tools.

The third time his wrench hit the ground someone else picked it up. He straightened and saw Jyn standing in front of him, her expression still infuriatingly neutral. He held out his hand impatiently.

She shook her head. "No." She put the wrench in the toolbox at his feet and closed it.

"I wasn't done with that," he said. Or rasped. He'd given up on his voice.

She narrowed her eyes. "Yes you are."

 _Now_ she was acting worried? For some reason this irked Cassian even more. "No, I wasn't."

She glared at him. "You are."

He glared back. "I'm not."

Jyn took a deep breath through her nose. "Don't be stubborn now."

"I'm not being stubborn." It sounded ridiculous to his own ears but he didn't care.

Her glare didn't come back, but he could see it trying to get out. "Stop it, Cassian"

"No. Give me back my wrench."

"You've been here for two hours and gotten nothing done."

"That's not true–"

"Barely anything."

"So give me another two." He was suddenly enormously frustrated with– everything, really. His immune system, for being weaker than Bodhi's and not beating this virus like the pest it was. The cold, dry air on Hoth for aggravating his cough and being another thing he had to pretend didn't bother him. And _Jyn_ for not caring earlier that he felt like bantha shit, even when he _knew_ she probably noticed he was getting worse before he did. For not forcing him to slow down, for not making him take care of himself. The better, more rational part of him knew it was unreasonable to expect this from her, but for a brief second it felt good to push the blame for how he felt onto someone else.

"Cassian–"

"No, Jyn, stop it. Give it back!" Cassian made a clumsy grab for his toolbox, which Jyn neatly blocked. She nudged the toolbox behind her with her foot. Cassian tried to follow it but felt a wave of dizziness at the sudden movement and he had to sink onto a nearby crate. Jyn crouched in front of him.

"Cassian. Take a deep breath."

He tried, and felt his heart thump loudly in his ears when he realized he couldn't.

Jyn's hands were on his shoulders. "Breathe slowly."

He did, but when he tried again to take a deep breath he felt a stab of pain in his chest and he started coughing again. He couldn't stop it this time, his heart was pounding and he was suddenly too hot, like all his layers of clothing were suffocating him.

Somewhere in his panic, he found Jyn's voice again and held onto it. "You have to calm down. Just look at me and breathe slowly."

He looked at her. He watched her shoulders move as she breathed, and did his best to imitate it. He managed to stop coughing, but couldn't quite get a full breath and his clothes still felt uncomfortably heavy on his chest. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, and felt Jyn's bare hand on his forehead. It felt like ice even though she'd been wearing gloves.

"I'm going to take you to the medbay," she said.

"You don't have to, I'm– I'm fine. I'm okay." As much as he was trying to get a full breath, he could do little more than take short, shallow gasps.

"You have a fever," she said. "And you're really pale."

Cassian couldn't argue with her, partly because he was a bit past denial at this point and partly because he was trying to save his air. He let Jyn help him to his feet, wishing he could appreciate the feeling of her hands in his but too lightheaded to focus on much besides staying upright. He followed her to the medbay and submitted to the medics without a fight. After a brief listen to his chest he was given a bed in the medical ward, which meant at least an overnight stay. He wanted to resist them– it wasn't that bad, was it?– but then an oxygen mask was pressed over his mouth and it felt so good he sank onto the pillows without any protest. He suddenly wanted to sleep for a long time, the exhaustion he'd held back all day– all week– finally catching up to him.

Just before his eyes closed he saw Jyn's blurry form hover above him. He thought she looked worried, but all his irrational anger from before had dissipated, and he wanted to tell her _Don't worry. I'll be alright,_ but then she was gone and he fell asleep.

 

When Cassian dragged his sticky eyes open again, the mask was gone but his chest hurt like a tauntaun had trampled it and he was still so tired he felt like he hadn't slept at all. He rolled his head to one side and saw Jyn curled up in a hard-looking chair, her head pillowed on her arms. He felt suddenly warm at the sight of her by his side, but frowned. Her neck was going to be sore if she slept like that. He tried to say her name, but he just started coughing. The coughs were wetter and a tad less desperate than what he remembered in the hangar, but they scraped his throat and lungs and brought tears to his eyes. Jyn woke up anyway, and he noticed as she tried to work out the kink in her neck, but was hardly in a position to scold her about taking care of herself.

She leaned over him, face pinched with worry but hands carefully behind her back. "How are you feeling?"

He tried to sigh, but started coughing again. "What happened?"

"You have pneumonia." Jyn's hands fell to her sides. "You were on oxygen and antibiotics over night, and you seem to be responding. I think they're going to keep you here another day or two. Just to be sure." Her hands were resting on the edge of his bed now, inches away from his own. His fingers twitched towards hers. She glanced down, and slowly wrapped her fingers around his.

And suddenly it was like she knew what he was thinking. She leaned over him and brushed her other hand over his forehead, through his hair, on his cheek. Her touch was awkward and uncertain, but the feeling was everything Cassian had imagined. The pain in his chest and head lessened by noticeable degrees, he felt the muscles in his back unwind and he sank further into the mattress.

"How are you feeling?" she said again.

The corners of his lips twitched up and he gripped her fingers tighter. "Good," he whispered. "I'll be okay."

 

* * *

 

He was released from the medical ward two nights after first waking up with strict instructions to rest for one more week and avoid strenuous activity for another two. Jyn walked him back to his cabin, watched as he climbed into bed, then stepped backwards towards the door, a cautious expression on her face.

"I'll… let you rest."

He turned his head and looked at her. "Jyn, wait." He was still breathing heavily from the walk over and it came out softer than he meant it but she paused. "I'm sorry."

She blinked. "For what?"

"For… the way I acted before. I should thank you."

"You don't have to."

"I do."

"You don't. I… I should've said something earlier."

"That's not your job, Jyn. I can take care of myself."

Her lips twitched. "I can see that."

 _Dios mío_. "Very funny." He began to pull the blankets over his face. He shouldn't have said anything.

"Cassian–"

He stopped and turned to look at her again. She had stepped forward so she was hovering awkwardly halfway between his bed and the door.

"I _am_ sorry. I should have said something earlier."

"Jyn–"

"And I should've made you slow down it's just– _Kriff_ , I'm not good at this." She paused and took a deep breath. "I _do_ care about you, Cassian. I do. I just– I don't know– I don't know how to take care of people."

He closed his eyes and tried to sigh but ended up coughing. This conversation was exhausting. He listened for the sound of her footsteps retreating down the corridor. It never came, and when he opened his eyes she was still standing there. "Yes you do. You took care of me in the hangar. You stayed with me in the medbay."

"Okay, but– what what do I do now?" She was no longer looking at the ground, but she wouldn't meet his eyes either. "I don't– I don't know what you want."

Cassian swallowed. "I want… I want you to stay." He knew it was selfish, but damn it all, he was _sick_. He still felt weak and shaky, his lungs were refusing to cooperate, and he knew he was feverish but it seemed like the cold of Hoth had seeped under his skin and wouldn't leave. He was desperately tired but too uncomfortable to imagine sleeping, and he dreaded being left alone in his cabin, staring at the ceiling feeling ill and useless. Which explained the relief he felt spread through his chest when Jyn didn't leave, but pulled his desk chair next to his bed and sat down. He shivered at the draft created by her movements and she put a hand on his forehead. It still felt cold to him but he relaxed into her palm.

"You're still warm," she said.

"Mm." His eyes slid shut but he felt her hand brush his cheek and his shoulder.

"I'll be here when you wake up," she whispered.

Right on the edge of sleep, he felt his lips curl into a smile and for the first time since setting foot in Echo Base, he wasn't cold.


	2. The One with the Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Catering staff?" Jyn's lip curled._   
>  _"We thought it would suit you better than trophy wife."_
> 
>  
> 
> Jyn's first time undercover with Cassian goes… pear-shaped.

The surface of the water felt like a hard slap on his back with a very large hand, but Cassian hardly had time to appreciate the comparison before he was distracted trying to kick his way back to the surface. Several lines of thought were warring for dominance, such as Trandoshans were stronger than they looked, this mission was at the very best compromised and at the very worst his cover was blown, and if he couldn't find the surface _three seconds ago_ this was going to be the dumbest way to die ever.

Cassian Andor, decorated Alliance intelligence officer, was not going to drown in a swimming pool.

 

* * *

 

**Six Standard Weeks Earlier**

It was his first mission since recovering from pneumonia. He hadn't even been cleared for active duty when Hoth was attacked, and was among the first evacuated on the Alliance's only (makeshift) medical frigate.

He was embarrassed and angry, he'd be much more useful on the ground, but he could only make a brief argument to Draven before he was cut off. "Not cleared for duty means not cleared for duty, Andor. I'd be putting you and your teammates at risk if I sent you out there and you know it."

He did know. But his insides crawled with anxiety waiting for the return of the rebels who'd stayed behind to give the rest of them the chance to get into hyperspace. For hours he paced and stared out a window, watching for any X-wings, transports, or the _Millennium Falcon_.

To the consternation of many, the _Millennium Falcon_ never showed, but 13 of the Alliance's 30 transports did, and to Cassian's immense relief, one of them was piloted by Bodhi. If the rest of Rogue One was on any transport, it would be this one. He wondered if this is what it would always be like, caring so much for people that you nearly lost your head worrying for them. He tried to slow the beating of his heart as he watched Bodhi's ship approach the frigate. He used to pride himself on being a patient man, but he couldn't remember docking ever taking this kriffing long. The anticipation was driving him mad, he had to _see_ , he had to _know_ his friends were safe. He couldn't lose them like this after all this time, he _couldn't_.

He nearly collapsed when he spotted them among the crowd of bloodied, shell-shocked, white-clad rebel ground troops. Baze was limping, there were lines of blood down Chirrut's face from a wound at his hairline, but Cassian went to Jyn first, gathered her in his arms to make sure she was real, careful of the arm she held against her side.

She didn't seem to mind the prolonged contact, even wrapped her good arm around him in return. "I'm okay. A gunnery exploded, I caught some of the shrapnel in my shoulder."

"I have returned unharmed as well, if you were wondering."

Cassian lifted his head to Kay-Tu's irritated voice and slowly released Jyn. "As always, I'm glad to see you made it." He'd loaned the droid to Bodhi as a copilot before he was ushered away by the 2-1B's, praying he wouldn't have to find it yet another body.

"And you can keep it," Bodhi said. "Wouldn't stop talking about how much better off we'd be if you were with us."

"Even operating at less than 100% capacity, Captain Andor would have been invaluable at several points during the battle, possibly preventing–"

"Thanks, Kay." Cassian didn't want to hear all the ways he could've helped the soldiers on the ground, not if he wanted to refrain from tearing the circuits out of half the Alliance's medical droids.

 

* * *

 

He didn't get to feel useful to the Alliance for over a standard month, even though he was declared healthy a few days after the battle. The scattered high command was distracted with more important things, like finding yet another planet to formally regroup and try to rebuild from the heavy losses sustained on Hoth. With their forces fractured and scattered already, intelligence was reluctant to send him or anyone else out on any missions. When Mon Mothma eventually established a shaky base, it was on a planet so laughably small it didn't even have a proper name, just a numerical designation, 5251977. Most of the rebels just called it the Dirtball.

Eventually, Draven gave Cassian a mission on a mid-rim planet in the Halori sector where several Imperial officers had vacation houses. He was friends with one such officer under his most reliable alias, he was able to secure an invitation to a garden party. At some point, he was supposed to sneak into the Admiral's office and make a few copies of his hard drive.

"We're sending one other agent with you as backup," Draven said. "Jyn Erso will be present as one of the catering staff."

" _Catering staff_?" Jyn's lip curled.

"We thought it would suit you better than trophy wife," Draven said dryly.

Cassian honestly didn't know whether or not to be offended for Jyn, and by the way her mouth was opening and closing in a frustrated glare at their superiors, neither did she.

Draven turned pointedly back to Cassian. "We just need to know how much the Empire knows about us right now. Get in, get out, don't let him know you were there. Including travel time, it shouldn't take more than a standard week."

 

A standard week wasn't that long, but a day into the flight to the Halori sector and Cassian knew it was going to feel like much longer. Jyn was pacing the length of the main deck, reading a datapad and muttering to herself as she tried to learn the rules of etiquette she would have to follow as an imperial servant. She had a thunderous expression on her face Cassian hoped she'd be able to wipe off once the mission actually began.

He had never been undercover with her before. She'd trained with the Pathfinders after Scarif, and mostly worked with them in the two years since. She came on the odd mission with him once and a while when he needed a strong, cohesive team, and usually with Bodhi or Chirrut and Baze, but she always remained behind the scenes, providing indirect support or cover. But rebels were limited right now, and trained intelligence officers were particularly valuable. The pathfinders were grounded, with Han Solo missing and Sergeant Dameron still recovering from the battle on Hoth. Cassian needed a team for this mission, and none of them could hide in the shadows.

Jyn's knuckles turned white on the datapad. "This is stupid. I don't kriffing care about the difference between a commander and a commander-third-class, which is apparently different than third-in-command. I don't even know how I'm going to tell them apart."

"When in doubt, follow the lead of the other servants," Cassian said.

" _Servants_ ," Jyn muttered. "Draven definitely did this on purpose. As if I wouldn't make a perfectly good trophy wife."

"Would you _rather_ play my trophy wife?" Cassian said. He felt his face redden and at his choice of words and prayed to whatever might be out there that she hadn't noticed. He swallowed and waited for her answer, not sure what he wanted her to say.

" _No_." Jyn's cheeks burned. "I mean– well– if it was–"

She cut herself off, and Cassian felt a bit like his insides were frozen. He wondered how much of it showed on his face.

"I'm going to study in my bunk." Jyn abruptly turned and climbed below deck.

Cassian slowly walked back to the pilot's seat and sat next to Kay-Tu.

"I would prefer if you would refrain from arguing with Jyn Erso," it said.

"That wasn't an argument, she's just nervous," said Cassian.

"It negatively affects your ability to focus on the task at hand."

Cassian knew where this was headed. "I am aware of your opinion on Jyn in the field."

"It is not an opinion, it is based on hard data collected over–"

Cassian tuned it out. He preferred not to ruminate over Jyn's field experiences. It was enough to dream up worst-case scenarios whenever the Pathfinders were late, or even if they weren't. He knew Jyn could handle herself, he'd seen it first hand, but even back on Yavin IV he could never relax if he didn't know where she was, or if she was safe. Not that he could express that without seeming overprotective. He wasn't sure how he would handle actually working in the field with her, knowingly bringing her into danger with him.

 

* * *

 

They dropped Jyn off half a continent away from Admiral Dunestar's estate, where she would pick up public transport to the catering agency where the Alliance had gotten her a position. Cassian then got into character, commed the estate, and touched down at one of its several private landing pads. Comm in his ear and Kay on the other end, Cassian slipped quietly into the party, held outdoors in a rear courtyard, and began chatting up the various guests. His first objective was to look for possible ways into the Admiral's office, but once the caterers arrived he couldn't help scanning the crowd for Jyn first. He finally spotted her, in the stiff black and white uniform of a servant, unsteadily carrying a tray laden with flutes of expensive Daruvvian champagne and weaving in between the guests.

He heard Kay make a noise of disapproval. "Captain, must I remind you of my comment on your ability to focus in the presence of Jyn Erso?"

Cassian blinked and refocused on the crowd before him. Admiral Dunestar was on the older side and past due for a promotion. Cassian knew he was generally considered washed up by the younger, higher-ranking officers, so most of the guests were the admiral's subordinates, business associates, and personal friends. The latter seemed to include several bounty hunters, which made Cassian nervous, especially after the fiasco on Nal Hutta. None of them were on his mental list of bounty hunters who knew his face, which was stupidly lucky, but he couldn't know that none of them would recognize Jyn. He craned his neck to find her again, scanning the sentients on the far side of the pool that occupied the center of the patio.

Kay clucked in his ear. "Draven should have sent Pilot Rook."

"You're distracting me, Kay," he murmured. That usually shut it up. Determined to remain in character, Cassian casually made his way to the bar. "Corellian whiskey, please." Joreth Sward had expensive tastes.

Cassian went around making frivolous conversation and pretending to remember people he'd never met. He drank the whiskey quickly and returned to the bar for another. He'd taken tablets back on the ship what would keep him sober, but after four or five more drinks he could act drunk, safer when undercover than actually being drunk. He sold the act by stumbling when a burly imperial Lieutenant clapped him on the back and openly leering at several of the female servants.

"Ah, Joreth! You hate to see a man who can't hold his drink!" Dunestar said.

Cassian made a show of jerking around in surprise, sloshing his Shesharilian vodka over his hand. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about, Vice Admiral Dunest- Dunestar," he slurred.

Dunestar shook his head ruefully. "It's still Rear Admiral, I'm afraid. Next year, my friend. All my hard work will come due next year."

Cassian raised his glass. "To next year, Vice Admiral!"

Dunestar laughed. "To next year!"

Their glasses clinked and Cassian threw back the last of his vodka. "Y-you know Admiral, I know a planet where a year is just _one_ standard day. Just _one_." He wagged a finger in Dunestar's face. "Maybe you should, y'know, be an admiral there and _then_ you'll be promoted, like, tomorrow."

Dunestar smiled indulgently. "I'm not that eager, Joreth. If I were a Vice Admiral I'd be too busy to host these get-togethers."

"To get-togethers!" Cassian raised his glass again.

Dunestar nodded, then leaned in slightly and raised a knowing eyebrow. "How's business, my friend?"

Startled by his assumption but willing to play along, Cassian lowered his glass. "Great! I mean, good. I mean, it's great but sometimes– it's not so great. But it'll _really_ be great next week. Or next month." He hiccuped and looked down at his nearly empty glass.

Dunestar gripped his shoulder. "I'm sure it will be. Now, do you need a hand to the 'fresher? I'm sure one of the servants would be happy to assist you."

Cassian shook his head. "No I- I've got it. I'll be- I'll be right back." He turned and wove his way through the crowd and into the villa. He stumbled around the first few corners, leaning on walls and kicking potted plants, but eventually deemed it safe and walked purposefully to the Admiral's office, which he found locked. He began slicing the handprint sensor, but the system was more complicated than he expected and his first few attempts failed. He was in the middle of a third when he heard footsteps around the corner. He swore and slumped against the hallway, a picture of drunken frustration.

"Sward? What are you doing here?" The lieutenant from earlier stood over him, frowning with one hand too near his blaster for comfort.

Cassian groaned. "I couldn't find the 'fresher."

The lieutenant relaxed and his hand fell to his side. "Let me help you with that." He hauled Cassian to his feet and guided him in the other direction.

Cassian stumbled along, muttering his thanks but silently cursing in Festian. This was always a risk at crowded events. He couldn't make another attempt without looking suspicious. Now it was up to Jyn.

 

The lieutenant let him go once they were outside again, and Cassian wandered over to Jyn. He gave her a lecherous smile and fingered a strand of her hair. "Hey, sweetheart. Ever seen the inside of a spaceship?" _Sweetheart_ was the code word meaning he'd been caught. Jyn had said one of Han's names for Leia would remind her of failure.

She rolled her eyes and slapped his hand. "Get away from me, moof-milker."

Cassian shrugged and made his way back to the bar.

When he turned around with a new drink in hand, he saw another young man approach Jyn, a pretentious Coruscanti politician by his flowing robes and bodyguard. "Was he bothering you, honey?"

He was standing very close to her and Cassian had to resist the impulse to step in between them.He forced himself to relax against the low wall at the edge of the courtyard. He wanted to keep casually watching her out of the corner of his eye, but was distracted when the Admiral came back over, and he had to engage in another conversation where he tried to talk a lot while saying very little. When he could turn his attention back to the crowd, Jyn was nowhere in sight, but the politician was hovering by the door to the villa, looking around like he was waiting to slip into the house unnoticed.

Cassian cursed to himself in every language he knew and quickly crossed the patio, barely remembering to stumble once or twice to maintain his feigned inebriation. The politician must be suspicious. This was his fault, Jyn hadn't been properly trained. She wouldn't know someone was following her.

He didn't know (or care to know) the politician's name, so he called out using the first insult that came to his head. "Hey, Nerfherder!"

The politician turned and his bodyguard stepped forward, a vicious-looking Trandoshan at least a head taller than Cassian.

 _Kriff._ Cassian swallowed. He hadn't thought this far ahead. He stepped forward and stuck a finger in the politician's chest. "Who do you think you are?"

The bastard gave a self-important huff and squared his shoulders. "I'll have you know that I am the son of–"

Cassian didn't wait for him to finish before swinging a fist toward his jaw.

His hand got about halfway to its target before he felt hard, leathery hands under his arms and he was lifted up into the air and thrown backwards towards the pool.

 

* * *

 

Cassian broke the surface with a gasp and swung his head around, blinking the water out of his eyes and looking for the nearest way out. Jyn was kneeling at the edge of the pool to his right and he instinctively paddled over to her. He took her outstretched hand, but instead of pulling him up, she first pulled him forward so his head was at her neck and he had a perfect view down her shirt, where he could see a data chip resting in the hollow of her breastband between her– well–

His throat clenched, he wondered if he'd inhaled some water.

Her breath was in his ear. "I got the data." Then she was hauling him onto the patio and backing away, like an uninterested servant after her task was completed. Cassian rolled onto his back and sat up, trying to get his bearings. Jyn out of his line of sight, he realized the entire party was staring at him. For once at a complete loss for what to say or do, his comm soaked and buzzing uselessly in his ear, he said nothing, just looked around blankly hoping the panic didn't show on his face.

He nearly collapsed again in relief when Dunestar threw back his head and roared with laughter. The entire party joined him and Cassian was thrown a towel and several mocking sympathetic glances.

"Blazes, Sward, I thought you knew better!" Dunestar said as Cassian dried his hair.

He laughed unsteadily. "I think it's the air around here… It's a lot thinner than my home planet."

Dunestar shook his head. "Sure it is. Go home, Sward. Sober up. Maybe think twice next time before insulting the son of Coruscanti nobility."

 

"Do you have any idea how stupid you are?" Jyn said as soon as she boarded the ship at the rendezvous point, five standard hours later.

"Jyn Erso, I can assure you I have already soundly berated Captain Andor for his ill-advised actions during the mission," said Kay from the co-pilot's seat.

Cassian pretended to be intensely focused on getting them out of atmo and into hyperspace. Maybe then he could slink off to his bunk and begin the process of forgetting this whole mission. He'd even let Kay write the report if it meant he'd never have to think about it again.

He should be so lucky.

Jyn connected the chip to her datapad and was sitting on a low bench scanning the information she'd copied when Cassian tried to sneak below deck. "Wait a minute."

Cassian froze with his hand on the ladder.

"Aren't we going to talk about this?"

He slowly turned around. "There's nothing to talk about."

"What? I leave for ten minutes and you somehow end up in the swimming pool? How is that 'nothing to talk about?'"

Cassian flexed his jaw. "I was just trying to cover you. That politician was suspicious, he was going to follow you into the house."

"That was the plan. He was my cover."

Cassian shook his head. "What plan? Cover? Jyn, how was _he_ your cover?"

She waved the chip in his face. "My cover for getting _this_ , you idiot. He gave me the bypass codes for the Admiral's office because I said–" She stopped and looked back at the datapad. "I don't have to explain myself to you. It worked, didn't it?"

Cassian left the ladder and stepped forward. "Jyn, what did you do?"

Jyn tossed the datapad aside. "He said he could get into any room in the house, so I told him I would… meet with him in the nicest room on the ground floor if he gave me seven minutes to… prepare myself."

Cassian felt his chest clench. " _Meet_ with him? What does that mean?"

Jyn rolled her eyes. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

" _No_. But– what–" Cassian cleared his throat. "What were you going to do if he actually met you?"

She shrugged. "Not much. I'd think of something before things got too far."

Cassian gaped at her. His neck was becoming uncomfortably warm and he struggled to find something to say that wouldn't turn him into a hypocrite. He'd done similar things on missions before– he was a spy, it happened, but he hated the thought of Jyn doing something like that, especially with such a self-important _idiot_. From _Coruscant_ , no less. Of all the pretentious, egotistical–

"Cassian, what is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem!" It came out more forcefully than he intended.

Jyn's mouth set in a line. "Fine. If that's how you're going to be about it, you can stay up here and I'll be below deck."

 _Mierda._ "No, wait." He caught her elbow as she brushed past him.

"What." She jerked her arm away.

Cassian swallowed and took a quick breath. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to question your approach. You– you did a good job. I was caught. You saved the mission."

To her credit, Jyn didn't rub it in his face like he probably deserved. "Thank you." Her face pinched for a second and she looked firmly over his left shoulder. "I suppose I should also thank you for confronting that politician, even if it was idiotic."

"Really?" Cassian tried to meet her eyes.

Jyn looked to his other side. "Well it's not like I _wanted_ to… you know. _Meet_ with him."

In the back of his mind, Cassian always knew that was true, but he felt his shoulders relax anyway and let out sigh of relief before he could stop himself.

Jyn heard it and raised an eyebrow. "Jealous, Andor?" A cocky smirk hovered at her lips but didn't quite emerge.

Cassian saw a faint blush at her cheeks and realized she was _nervous_. Then he realized he'd probably just spent too much time staring at her mouth. His eyes flashed up to hers and his heart began pounding uncomfortably fast. Everything around him seemed to fade away and for a moment the entire universe was just her in front of him, lips quirked up but eyes uncertain. He leaned forward as if pulled, as if she exerted a force on him all on her own.

 _Ca-thunk_. The ship lurched and Cassian stumbled backwards, sitting heavily on the bench.

"Apologies. I must have accidentally kicked that lever," said Kay.

Not for the first time, Cassian wondered if he'd given the droid a bit too much free will.

Jyn sat down next him. She leaned forward so her breath brushed his cheek. "Some day I'm going to shoot that hunk of metal."

A wide grin spread across Cassian's face and he kissed her, pulling her closer so she was almost on top of him. The angle was awkward and he couldn't quite get his arms around her but _This_ , he thought. _This is perfect_. He couldn't even begin to remember how long he'd wanted this, but he did know he should've done it a long time ago.

Eventually, Jyn pulled away and he had to suppress a groan of frustration. She stood up went back to the ladder, climbing below deck. She paused halfway down and turned to look at him, eyes dancing. "Are you coming or what?"


	3. As Much as You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"He was afraid what had happened on their last mission was only the result of adrenaline and heated tempers. He hadn't the courage to ask her about it. He wasn't sure he wanted the answer."_
> 
>  
> 
>    
> After Admiral Dunestar's party, things still aren't quite the way Cassian thought they would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished! Turns out it got pretty lengthy because I'm a sucker for plot. (To hide the fact I'm not very good at writing straight-up romance.)

"Didn't we already win this planet?"

Cassian glanced up from their current task of hacking their way through the dense forest on Tiems. "Did you even read the file for this mission?"

"Of course not." Jyn didn't look at him, just continued slashing through vines with her machete. Her shirt was since stuffed in her pack, but sweat was soaking through the light top she wore under it and her hair was slowly slipping out of her bun and sticking to the back of her neck.

"You had the entire trip from Home One."

"I had better things to do."

"Like what?"

"Like sleeping. Like enjoying the silence in the cockpit without Kay."

"Couldn't you do that _while_ reading the file?"

This time, Jyn did glance back at him. "No." She turned around. "Besides, you're going to tell me now."

Cassian grunted, hacking at a vine three times before it fell in pieces on either side of him. "Well, now I have to because you didn't _read the file_."

"We can keep arguing about this or you can just tell me."

"Fine. Yes, the Alliance fought and won a battle in the largest city on this planet. No, we did not, as you put it, 'win the planet.' It was more of a prisoner liberation than anything else."

Jyn huffed. "You have an opinion on it?"

"I collected most of the intel they used to plan the attack. It was the last mission I was on before I met you."

"So you've been here before?"

"Four years ago. And not here, specifically. Only Tiems, the city."

"Great. Where is 'here, specifically?'"

"Come on, Jyn. You were at the briefing."

"Draven has an annoying voice. It's not my fault I tune it out. All I remember is that we're looking for a new imperial military base and we just need to find out what they're doing with it."

"Right. Well, we're near the equator right now, this is the Greyfish Jungle. The last operative who was here heard it referred to as 'Garrison Jungle.' She asked about it, but couldn't get anything reliable from the locals."

"So we have to go check it out."

"At this point, the Alliance doesn't want to risk a fly-over."

"So how do we even know where we're going?"

"Using the latest geographical data–"

"Define 'latest.'"

Cassian hesitated. "It's probably about ten years old."

She paused again to turn around, and her expression let him know exactly what she thought of that.

"It's the best we could do. Anyway, it shows a large natural clearing due north of where we landed. It's the only place to build anything quickly in this forest. So keep going straight." He checked the chrono on his wrist. "Or just follow me. It's my turn to be in front."

Jyn finished her swing at the vines in front of her and stepped aside, taking a few deep breaths and wiping her brow.

Cassian didn't move in front of her immediately, taking the chance to catch his breath as well and take a few swallows of water. He waited for Jyn to do the same. "You should drink something."

She pressed her lips together. "I'm fine."

He regarded her cautiously. "Don't push yourself too hard." They were both losing a lot of water hacking away at the undergrowth in the sticky heat of the jungle, but they only had one canteen of water each in an attempt to lighten their packs. Cassian also had a filter, but for all the water in the air, they hadn't come across so much as a stream all morning. 

"I won't."

He nodded and shouldered his pack. He reluctantly took his place in front of her, in the more difficult position of clearing a path for the first time. His muscles were past the point of spent and burning, he knew they'd be viciously sore tomorrow and the return journey to the ship would be even slower. He didn't even want to think about what Jyn must be feeling. If it were up to him, he'd prefer to remain in the lead instead of trading off, but she'd insisted, complaining about his lack of faith in her but also pointing out (correctly) that he would need the break eventually and they couldn't afford to stop too often.

Although, there was one significant advantage to being in the back, and that was he could keep an eye on Jyn. In the front, all he could do was listen for the sound of swings and grunts that weren't his own. He had to resist the instinct to react any time he thought anything might be wrong. If he turned every time he thought she made any sound of distress, it would slow them down. And he was discovering his bar for 'any sound of distress' was pretty low. He felt his neck twitch at sounds of frustration with any stubborn vegetation, and actually turned when he heard her stumble over a root.

She gave him an irritated glare and jerked her chin forward. "Get on with it."

He clenched his jaw and turned around, trying to calm the anxiety pulling at his mind. It didn't used to be this way. Their relationship had been comfortable, easy, in the years on Yavin. In the wake of Scarif, the members of Rogue One had clung together out of the need to be with the only other people who had survived what they had. They were closer friends than any he'd made before, and any he'd made since. He perhaps spent more time with Jyn than any of the others, but he attributed it to the circles they moved in. Bodhi had the pilots. Baze and Chirrut trained recruits, but Jyn was with the Pathfinders. Half the time he came back from an intelligence mission, one or all of them would be at the debrief because they would be acting on the information.

He knew they would make a good team if they went on missions together, but he could never convince her to train in intelligence. She was sure she'd be terrible at it. She said she hadn't the patience. She wouldn't do things the way he was used to. Someone else would be better support. _They wouldn't_ , he always thought, but never told her. _I don't trust anyone more._ He didn't want to put that kind of pressure on her.

So they didn't go on missions together, at least not alone. Not until Admiral Dunestar's party. Cassian had a lot of regrets, but he regretted very little of what he'd done on that mission, and nothing of what occurred after. But he wondered if maybe she did. They never talked about what happened on the ship, and he was afraid to initiate contact with her, afraid she wouldn't want that, afraid it would scare her off. He was afraid what had happened on the mission was only the result of adrenaline and heated tempers. He hadn't mustered the courage to ask her about it. He wasn't sure he wanted the answer.

He heard Jyn stop behind him. "It's my turn."

Force, had it really been an hour? He turned and felt his heart lurch at the sight of her, all his uncertainty at the front of his mind. Sweat was steadily rolling down her face, pooling at her collarbones and soaking into her shirt. Her hair looked like she'd been caught in a rainstorm, and he could see twigs and leaves stuck in the strands. He wanted to pick them out, tease them free of her brown curls and brush away the strings plastered to her face. He wanted to pour some of his own water onto a cloth so she could wipe down her face, clear the dirt from around her eyes. He wanted to refuse to let her take the lead. He wanted. Cassian had spent a lot of his life trying _not_ to want. He should know better. And yet.

Jyn shoved her canteen in her pack. "Are we still on course?"

"Yes."

She hesitated. "Are you sure?"

Cassian checked his compass. "No. Take a slight left. Sorry."

She huffed. "Leading us off course. Who are you and what happened to Cassian Andor?"

_You. You happened._

 

* * *

 

The jungle ended abruptly and Cassian barely stopped himself from stumbling headlong in to the wide, cover-less clearing. He caught himself on a tree and crouched behind the dense foliage, pulling Jyn down with him. She took a few gulps from her canteen and panted. He peered through the bushes at the clearing.

"Is that it?" Jyn whispered.

"It must be." It was a low black building, maybe three stories high in the center surrounded by four watchtowers and a single landing pad. None of these were particularly remarkable as far as small, secret bases went, but there wasn't a stormtrooper in sight. The landing pad was empty. It was eerily quiet. The only thing Cassian could hear was the sound of Jyn breathing and the slight rustle of the canopy above them.

"It looks abandoned," said Jyn.

The duracrete of the landing pad was cracked and overgrown. Cassian could see the beginnings of a nest being built by some bird in the nearest tower. He cursed in Festian. All this kriffing way for a kriffing abandoned base.

He heard a rustle beside him and turned to see Jyn shrug off her pack and climb out of the bushes. "Jyn, what're you doing?"

She gave him a look. "Going to have a look around. Coming?"

He jogged to catch up with her. "Of course, but they probably took anything valuable and wiped the computers."

She shrugged. "It still couldn't hurt, right? Besides–" she glanced up at the flat, grey sky. "We can't hike back to the ship now unless we want to camp in the jungle overnight."

She had a point, so he followed her without further protest to the nearest side door and knelt by the control panel. She took out her blaster and watched the clearing behind him out of habit, but her stance was relaxed. There was no sound around them except the forest, and no other sign of life. When the door slid open, Cassian drew his blaster as well and they stepped carefully into a dark corridor. They followed it until it suddenly opened up and they found themselves on a balcony three stories high overlooking a massive, empty hangar.

Jyn leaned over the railing. "What were they keeping in here?"

"The better question would be what were they building?" Cassian nodded towards the remains of scaffolding on the far side of the hall, powered-down droids and other machinery at its base.

"We should go down and check it out."

Cassian shook his head. "No, we should find the central control room with the main computer system."

"But they probably wiped the hard drive. Let's just go downstairs and look at their equipment."

"Some data is usually recoverable. Besides, you can't tell what they were building based on a few broken machines."

"You don't know what else might be down there." She had stepped slightly away from him at the railing and was frowning. Not quite her signature stubborn glare, but close.

Cassian could tell she was digging in her heels, but he wasn't about to back down either. "No, I don't. But I do know there's a central computer, where we should look first."

"Why is it always _your_ decision where we look first?"

He made a sound of frustration. "It's not. I'm just saying right now, in this case, we should look for the control room."

"Well, I think you're wrong."

"I'm not."

They had both turned away from the railing and were facing each other now, several feet apart. Jyn's glare had emerged. Cassian was doing his best not to glare back, his mouth frozen in a straight line and his jaw locked. They stared at each other in a tense silence, trying to see if the other would give in first.

After several seconds, Jyn said, "I'm going downstairs. Follow me or not. I don't care." She spun on her heel and began walking towards the nearest staircase.

"No, wait." Cassian wanted to grab her arm and hold her back, but he clenched his hands into fists. "We shouldn't split up."

Jyn threw him an irritated glance over her shoulder. "What's going to happen? It's an abandoned base. I think I'll be fine."

As she walked away, Cassian began to feel threads of panic claw their way up his throat and he almost followed her. Then his pride took over and he turned resolutely in the other direction. If Jyn insisted on being obstinate, there was little he could do about it.

None of the lights turned on as he walked down the corridors, but he followed the biggest ones, hoping they would lead to the main control room. He could hear Jyn in his ear, her breaths as she descended into the warehouse and the faint buzz of background noise. He was tempted to say something to her, maybe assure her that he would join her as soon as he was finished, but thought better of it. If that wasn't the right thing to say, it might irritate her enough to turn off her comm.

As he suspected, the central computer didn't turn on, but he found a transfer port and connected his datapad, downloading the most recently opened files. He scanned through them quickly, finding most were empty, their contents wiped when the base shut down. He scrolled to the most recent transmissions and began looking for a way to recover them. If they'd been deleted hastily, carelessly, there was a chance he would be able to open them.

Cassian liked computers. He found their logical, predictable systems comforting. Working with them and programming them was like solving a complex puzzle or untangling a complicated knot. Challenging, but with the assurance of a neat, satisfying product. Accessing a computer's deleted files was something Cassian got very good at very quickly when he entered intelligence. A surprising amount of sentients didn't realize that simply deleting a file on a computer didn't make it go away forever. Some research and a few hours of taking apart old Alliance hard drives had given him an understanding of how electronic data was stored, often physically on a chip or a disc. It couldn't truly be erased, only written over. Simply deleting a file put it in a folder to be written over, but didn't complete the process. Anything that hadn't been written over could still, in theory, be accessed.

Much to his satisfaction, daily logs from the last standard week had not been overwritten and he could open them on the datapad. The earliest one read, _Product completed for review by Moff Jerjerrod_. The next entry, _Product under review_. Then, _Review complete. Product deemed satisfactory._ The next entry was strangely blank, but the next one said, _Product retrieved by the Empire. Payment pending._ Cassian scoffed. Knowing the empire, the sentients who worked here would probably be waiting a long time for their payment. He kept scrolling. The next entry was blank as well, but the last one read, _Facility deemed unnecessary. All personnel evacuated for termination._ Cassian frowned. The last entry was from six standard months ago. In that context, 'termination' usually meant destruction, presumably within a standard day of evacuation.

Cassian closed the daily logs and looked for any more recent activity, hoping to find some clue as to why the base was still standing. He became hyper-aware of the floor under his feet, feeling for any vibrations. He began to feel a little like he was sitting on a ticking bomb. He found two files that had been opened more recently, one from the month after the last log, and one from the previous week. but their contents had been more carefully deleted. He tried to scrub through the data manually, looking for anything that might have slipped through the encryption, but got nothing.

He stood to leave. He should just find Jyn and they should get out of here as quickly as possible. Whatever the Empire had been building here, it was highly sensitive. All files concerning specifics were gone, and the information was apparently valuable enough to warrant the destruction of the facility, which was _way_ overdue. He was putting away his equipment when he heard a change in Jyn's breathing.

It sounded like she was running. He threw his things in his bag and ran back to the hangar. He re-entered the hangar to see her mount the top of some rickety scaffolding and vault over the rail.

"Jyn, what–?"

"There's a bomb!" She grabbed his hand and and tugged him back the way they came.

"What?"

"A bomb, there's a bomb down there. Or, a room full of explosives. I think we tripped it earlier. This whole place is going to blow!" She was two steps ahead of him, running at a full sprint.

His footsteps pounded against the metal floor in time to hers, and he stared at the door in front of her, willing it to come closer. His mind was buzzing, _Why? Why now? After six months, why is the base being destroyed now?_

Jyn threw open the door and Cassian heard the whine of a TIE/gt starfighter above them. "They're doing a fly-over!" Jyn shouted.

There was no cover between the building and the forest. They were in plain view and Cassian could see the bomber circling around to take aim. "Split up!"

Jyn veered off to the left and Cassian went to the right. In an atmosphere, its laser canons sounded like blaster fire magnified a hundred thousand times, and he felt the ground shake as bolts exploded against the ground behind him. A quick glance behind him revealed that Jyn was almost at the tree line, if he adjusted his course he could probably draw its fire just a little bit farther–

The deserted base exploded behind him and the shockwave threw him off his feet. He felt rather than heard himself cry out as his back was peppered with burning shrapnel, then he hit something very hard and everything was dark.

 

* * *

 

His ears were ringing. Someone had buried an alarm in his eardrums and it blocked out everything else. He could dimly feel the ground under him. It felt like he was lying on his side, one leg folded under him. It didn't feel quite right. The leg. He couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but it didn't feel right.

He tried to open his eyes. They felt heavy, weighted, and let in too much light at once. His head throbbed at the sudden brightness so he squinted. Everything was blurry, but he could make a tall, dark structure in front of him. His mind was still waking up, and his thoughts were sluggish, but he remembered the watchtowers. He must have hit it after the explosion. The explosion. The bomber. Jyn. Jyn!

His eyes snapped open. Where was she? She'd been close to the jungle, farther from the building than him. He'd been trying to distract the bomber when the building exploded. Had he succeeded? Was she safe? Was the bomber still in the air? He still couldn't hear anything, but the ground was still. If it was up there, it wasn't firing at them. Had it landed? He should look around. He should get up.

He tried to command his body to move, but it only responded with a twitch of his hand. At least the movement was relatively pain-free. His arms seemed okay. Good. Maybe he should do that first. Take an inventory. What hurt? His back, which made him nervous. It reminded him of the months after Scarif– surgeries, bacta immersions, implants, physical therapy. Practically re-learning how to walk. But this didn't feel like that kind of pain. This was shallower, stinging rather than throbbing. He remembered the shrapnel when he was thrown into the air. Right. Upon consideration, it didn't feel too bad. Next thing.

His head was still pounding, but fading as his eyes adjusted. He'd been unconscious so it was probably a concussion, but he'd had worse. Next. He tried to take a deep breath but stopped halfway, gasping. Ribs. _Kriff_. Broken ribs. Perhaps not as badly as Scarif, but he definitely felt something shift on his right side. He'd have to be careful about that.

Last thing. His legs. He needed to stand up, get them under him so he could find Jyn. He needed to be sure she was okay. Find Jyn. Find Jyn. He took a breath, as deep as he could manage, and shifted the one on top.

The pain was so bad he nearly blacked out. He stomach lurched and choked down vomit. It was coming from the leg under him, the one that didn't feel right. It had shifted when he moved the one on top. It was by far the worst pain he'd ever felt. Even on Scarif, adrenaline had taken the edge off until he passed out on the way back to Yavin. This was worse. This felt like a knife stabbing deep into his muscle and twisting when the leg was jostled even slightly. It was completely incapacitating, he could focus on nothing else but his gasping breaths until the pain subsided. He closed his eyes again, focused all his energy on not passing out or throwing up.

Another sound floated through the ringing. "–ssian? –assian?"

It was familiar, it sounded like Jyn. Jyn! He pried his eyes open. Her blurry figure blocked out the light in front of him and knelt down, her head close to his. Her lips were moving.

"–assian?" He couldn't really make out words, just sounds. "–an –oo –ear me? –assian? –ay –um-ing."

He opened his mouth and tried to make a noise. He wasn't sure what it sounded like.

Jyn visibly relaxed and bent closer to him. "–ank – –orce. Are –oo all-igh?"

As she got closer, the ringing began to fade. She slowly came into focus.

"Cassian, can you talk? Are you all right?"

"I–"

She touched his shoulder, maybe trying to push him onto his back, but he felt his rib shift again and his _leg_. His eyes slammed shut and he ground his teeth together.

"Sorry! Sorry, I'm so sorry. What hurts? Can you tell me? What's wrong."

He inhaled, short and tight, sucking air between his teeth. "Ribs," he managed. "Leg."

Jyn let out a shaky breath. "Force. Okay, uh, how bad is it? Which leg?"

"Right."

"Kriff. Can you tell what's wrong?"

Another inhale. "Something's not right."

"Not right? Not right how?"

"Shifting. Grinding. Something– something's loose."

Jyn leaned away to get a better look at his right leg. When she leaned back he could see barely controlled fear behind her eyes. "Cassian, do you think– do you think it's one of the implants?"

He closed his eyes. The cybernetics were necessary after Scarif to regain function in his lower spine and use of his right leg. And one of them had definitely broken. Or come out entirely. That was what felt like stabbing, the implant moving loose in his flesh, his muscles contracting around it unconsciously. He felt nauseous again thinking about it and swallowed.

"Cassian?"

He opened his eyes. "Yeah." He took another breath. "I think it's an implant. I can't– can't move it. Hurts." He tried to concentrate on breathing.

Jyn glanced at the sky. "The TIE fighter's gone for now, but I don't know if it'll come back. We have to get to cover." She reached out, lightly touched him with her right hand. He noticed she held the other close to her chest. "I'll help you."

He couldn't look away from her left hand. "You–" Breath. "Okay?"

She glanced down, nodded. "It's just sprained. I was almost at the jungle, I was thrown into the bushes by the blast. I didn't–" She lost control for a second and her face pinched with worry. "I didn't realize you were so far behind me. Why were you all the way back here?"

"Drawing–" Breath. "Drawing fire away."

" _This_ far away?"

If he could've shrugged without jostling his ribs, he would've. Instead he just stared at her. _Of course. As far away from you as possible._

She shook her head again. "Cassian, you don't– Never mind. Can you make it to the forest? I need you to make it to the forest."

She needed. Jyn needed. He could do it for Jyn. He would do anything for Jyn. "Yes."

She nodded. "Okay. I'm going to help you sit up, okay? Then we'll focus on standing." She used her good arm to guide his hand onto her shoulder, then gripped his bicep. "Ready?"

He took a deep breath, ignored his ribs. "Yes."

She pulled him upright.

Pain exploded in his leg, so bad he blacked out for a second and desperately gasped to keep from screaming. His stomach pitched and rolled. He choked and leaned over to be sick.

"Kriff. Oh, Force." Jyn jerked backwards but kept her hands on him.

His head spun and throbbed in time to his ribs as he tried to catch his breath.

"That's right. Breathe through it." He suspected she was trying to sound comforting but he could hear the panic under her voice. She waited a little longer, glancing at the sky every few seconds. "Do you think you can stand?"

 _No_. "Yes."

She stood, keeping her hand around his bicep. "Ready? Same thing."

Cassian squeezed his eyes shut and fisted his hand in Jyn's shirt.

 

It probably only took ten standard minutes to reach the tree line, but Cassian swore it took hours. He couldn't put any weight on his right leg without collapsing onto Jyn, but even so felt the displaced metal and bone move with each shuffling step. By the time Jyn got him to a thick patch of greenery at the edge of the woods, he was gasping and blinking spots out of his eyes.

Jyn began digging around in her pack. "We'll get some bacta on your back, and I have two stabilizers, but…" She trailed off. "I'm not sure if we should put one on your leg."

"Why not?" Cassian's hands clenched in the grass and he fixed his gaze on the canopy, trying to focus on that and not the pain.

"Well… it's like you said. Your leg… doesn't look quite right. I don't want to stabilize anything in the wrong position. It might make things worse."

Cassian huffed and tried to keep from groaning. "Right. Then don't. _Kriff_." He took a few more panting breaths. "At least use the second stabilizer on your wrist."

"Okay." He heard her shuffling around. "My stimpack has comaren and nyex. Which one do you want?"

He couldn't suppress a groan this time. "No painkillers."

"Are you serious?"

"We might– need them later."

"What are you talking about? We need them _now_. You're hurt, Cassian, it's what they're for."

He didn't have an answer for her.

"Comaren? Or nyex?"

"… Comaren." He felt the press of the stim at his hip and felt a wave of numbness over his right side. He closed his eyes and tried to keep from gasping in relief.

"Better?" She'd noticed.

"Better." No point in lying.

"Good."

He heard her take a deep breath and shuffle slightly closer to him. He opened his eyes again, and she was in his line of sight, worrying her lower lip.

"We should call for an extraction."

He shook his head. "Jyn, you should just go. Fly the ship back here–"

"I'm not leaving you."

Despite himself, a warm feeling spread through his chest at the conviction of her words. "It's okay–"

"No, I'm not going. What if I get shot down on the way here? We don't know what the Imperial presence in the air is like. We have no information. You– we need an extraction."

He didn't respond right away, and for several seconds they just stared at each other. Eventually, he relented. "Okay."

She let out a breath. "Okay."

 

* * *

 

"The extraction team will be here in eighteen standard hours."

"Okay." Cassian's eyes were closed again, and he kept them that way. The painkiller was starting to wear off, and managing the pain in his chest and leg was taking up more and more of his mental energy.

"I told them you were injured, so they're bringing supplies. They'll be able to help you more on the ship."

"Okay."

"How are you doing?"

He could imagine her brow pinching, her mouth turned down at the corners. "Okay."

"Do you need more painkillers?"

"Not yet." Better wait until this round wore of completely before using another.

"Tell me when you do."

"Okay."

"Cassian."

He opened his eyes at her tone.

" _Tell_ me."

He held her gaze. "I will."

"Good."

When he couldn't bear it anymore, she gave him another round. She didn't give him a choice this time. He could tell she gave him nyex when he felt his brain sink into a fog and his head began to fall slack. He wanted to say something to her. Remind her that he hated nyex. Tell her he would rather be alert. But truthfully, pain was exhausting, and he'd been awake for too long anyway, so he fell asleep too quickly to do any of that.

 

When he woke up, his brain was still sluggish from the drug. He blinked slowly, trying to get his bearings. It was darker than when he fell asleep. When his eyes focused he saw Jyn had pitched one of their tents over him. He was also warmer. He tried to move his arm, and saw Jyn had covered him with a blanket. He heard the rustle of the tent flap behind his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jyn crawl in and sit cross-legged beside him, hunched over, her face glowing in the light of his datapad. He stared, surprised it had survived the blast. She saw him looking and tilted the screen towards him. One corner was smashed and the screen was a mess of cracks. Parts of the display were dim or off, but it was still mostly readable. She was looking at the files he'd downloaded.

"This base was supposed to be destroyed six months ago," she said.

"I know."

"Why now?

"I don't know. They were watching it."

"Do you think they knew we would be here?"

"I don't know."

She huffed and set the datapad aside. "How are you feeling?" There was still an irritated crease between her brows and she was staring over his chest.

"Fine."

"Don't be like that."

"Like what?" Kriff, how were they fighting _again_?

"You know what," she snapped.

He sighed, as much as he could. "I don't, Jyn. I never do."

"Don't kriffing pretend like everything's okay."

"Jyn–" He freed his arms from the blanket and made to push himself onto his elbows.

She held onto his shoulder. "Don't sit up. You'll aggravate your ribs."

He relaxed, ignored the throbbing the movement had set off on his right side. "I don't want to fight."

Jyn's lips tightened, and for a second Cassian thought she was going to argue anyway, but she said, "Me neither."

"Then why do we keep arguing?" He tried to pose it as a general question. He didn't blame her necessarily, he just wanted to know. He was tired of living in limbo with her.

"I'm not _trying_ to argue," she said.

"Neither am I." The fog of the painkiller was slowly lifting, but with it the pain was creeping back into the realm of unbearable. Cassian tried to fight it, push it to the back of his mind, but the effort was giving an edge to his words he didn't mean.

"So you're saying it's my fault we fight?"

"No." Cassian's hands curled into fists and he clenched his jaw. In any other situation, he'd be moving. Pacing, probably. In circles or back and forth, depending on the space. He'd be able to think more clearly, give her better answers. "I don't know why we're fighting. But I don't want to."

"Then what _do_ you want, Cassian? Because I can never kriffing tell."

"I want–" He broke off. Wasn't it clear what he wanted? Wasn't it clear he was totally and completely hopeless when it came to her? That he couldn't resist her anymore if he tried?

The tent was cramped, and her knees were lightly touching his left side. She was tense, her shoulders rigid and her arms resting lightly on her thighs. She still wasn't looking at him, turned halfway to the tent flap like she was ready to bolt at any moment. "It's okay if you don't– if we don't want the same things."

He tried again. "I want– I want to be with you, Jyn." His heart was thumping in his chest, his throat constricted. The pain of his injuries felt like background noise now. "Like after our last mission." He caught himself. "But– also more than that. Just– all the time. Or, as much as you want. I'll be whatever you want." He knew he wasn't sounding very coherent. He just couldn't _think_ stuck lying down like this.

She finally looked at him, but her expression was guarded.

He tried to hold her gaze, tried to tell her with more than his words that she could trust him, she could always trust him. He wanted desperately for her to see him as trustworthy, in more ways than having her back on missions.

She was quiet for a long time.

The flash of adrenaline from his confession wore off and Cassian felt the pain return, rolling over his right side in waves. He swallowed convulsively and clenched his teeth.

Jyn seemed to break out of her trance. "Right," she muttered. She loaded more painkillers into her stim and pressed it into his hip.

He let out a breath and relaxed. "Thank you." He paused. "For staying."

"I'd never leave you," she said. Her tone was even, matter-of-fact, but he caught his breath.

"I wouldn't leave you either," he said. She wasn't looking at him, and he wasn't looking directly at her. They were like two wary animals circling each other slowly, not sure if it was safe to approach. _It's safe_ , he wanted to say. He needed her to feel safe. "I love you," he said suddenly.

Her head jerked and she looked at him again, staring wide-eyed.

"So I would never– I wouldn't leave you. Anywhere. Ever." He felt blood rushing to his face, his cheeks burning. He swallowed and looked at her, tried to find her eyes in the gloom. In the dark they looked grey. They were the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. _She_ was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He wanted to reach out and gather her in his arms, hold her, protect her, make her feel secure. But he couldn't, so he just reached up and put one hand on her jaw, thumb stroking her cheek. She didn't push him away, and he held it there.

"I thought," she said, in almost a whisper. "I thought you didn't want that. After… the last mission. You were… distant. And I didn't know… how you felt."

He shook his head. "I didn't mean to be, Jyn. I didn't want to pressure you. Please know that. I love you." He paused, and suddenly thought of something. "And you don't– you don't have to say it, too. Just know. I love you."

She didn't answer him, but she caught his wrist when his arm got tired and he had to lower it. She bent down over him, her face still in his hand, and kissed him. Softly, slowly. She pulled away after a few seconds, and shuffled so she was lying down next to him. She kept her hand intertwined with his and didn't let go until the morning.

 

* * *

 

The medic on the extraction team took one look at his leg and put him under for the flight back to Home One. He dreamed Jyn sat by his shoulder the entire way there, he thought he could hear her whispering to him, or to herself. Low, gentle sounds that took him away from the discomfort of the medical transport cot, away from the pain of his broken bones.

When he was coherent again, he was in the medbay on Home One. His ribs had been set and stabilized. There was still a dull throb in his leg, but everything felt like it was in place. Jyn was next to him, awake and leaning on her elbows at the edge of his bed.

He felt himself smile at the sight of her.

She met his eyes and smiled, too. It was hesitant, but definitely there. "You just got out of surgery," she said. "And…" She took a breath, leaned closer over him. "I decided to say. I love you, too." She kissed him lightly, just pressing her lips to his. "And I want to be with you. As much as you want."

Cassian caught her hand and held it tight. He'd spent a lot of time trying not to want.

He smiled wider as she kissed him again.

Maybe it wasn't too late to start.


	4. The Scissors Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"She'll grow out of it."_
> 
> _"Not soon enough."_
> 
> _"Based on the characteristics of her progenitors, the probability is high that she will remain uncommonly stubborn."_
> 
>  
> 
>    
> Jyn's faced death multiple times. She can handle one afternoon with her daughter. In theory.

"Mama!"

Jyn stumbled backwards under the weight of the groceries and 27 pounds of excitable toddler suddenly clinging to her leg. "Hello, Lyra." She gave her leg a shake. "Mama has to put these away. Why don't you go play with Papa?"

"Shhh!" Lyra pressed a chubby finger to her lips. "Papa's _sleeping_."

"What?" _Where's that damn droid when you need it?_ But they'd lent Kay-Tu out to Bodhi, thinking, _There's two of us and one of her. We'll be fine._ What foolishness.

It had been a long couple of weeks.

Jyn began shuffling to the kitchen, hoping Lyra would get bored and let go, but she only giggled and held on tighter. Jyn sighed. _Don't encourage her_. There was nothing for it, she'd have to wake Cassian. She leaned over to get a view of the sitting room. "Cassian? Cassian, come distract your daughter, will you?"

Sure enough, Cassian was lying fully clothed on the sofa, datapad on his chest. He jerked and barely caught it before it slid to the floor. "Sorry." It came out as a whisper. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, Jyn."

He stood up and Jyn's heart sank. Lyra had been sick last week and they'd spent four days battling a cranky, feverish toddler. Jyn was hoping both of them had gotten away clean and they could go back to battling a stubborn, overactive toddler like normal, but one look at Cassian and she knew it had been too much to hope. He looked tired and a little pale, but he came over anyway and removed Lyra from Jyn's leg.

"Come here, _mija_. Stop bothering your mother." He tried to settle Lyra comfortably on his hip but she wiggled until he put her down. "Why don't you go play on your coloring pad? Didn't Uncle Chirrut just bring you a new set of pictures?"

"I _finished_ them 'ready, Papa," Lyra said. "You seed them this morning!"

" _Saw_ them this morning," Jyn corrected absently, sorting through the groceries. 

"Well why don't you show me again?" said Cassian.

"Mmmm, okay!" Lyra toddled off to get her coloring pad.

Jyn frowned at Cassian over the kitchen table. "How are you feeling?"

He met her eyes. "Fine."

She shook her head. "You're a liar." But there wasn't time to argue about that. Funny what a toddler does to your priorities. "Bodhi commed. He and Kay-Tu are bringing the shipment through tonight."

"Last week he said not until the day after tomorrow."

"I guess they made good time." She narrowed her eyes at him. "I invited him to stay, of course, but if you're not feeling up to it I'm sure he can stay with the Damerons."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine."

Jyn rolled her eyes. "I swear those words will be carved into your headstone," she muttered, turning back to the groceries.

Cassian came around the table. "Jyn, calm down. It's just Bodhi."

"It doesn't matter who it is," Jyn hissed. "You're getting sick I can already tell tell _this one_ –" she jerked her head towards Lyra, turning the corner with her coloring pad. "Means trouble tonight."

"Well then maybe it would be better for Bodhi to stay with Kes."

 _Big mistake, Cassian_. Jyn whirled on him. "What, because I can't handle my own daughter?"

"Papa, look! Papa!" Lyra tugged on Cassian's leg and waved her coloring pad up at him.

" _Sí_ , _sí_." Cassian took the coloring pad from Lyra and looked back up to Jyn. "No, I'm just saying it might be easier–"

"Papa, you're not even _looking_!"

"I'm looking, _mija_." Cassian made a show of going through the pictures. "Jyn, look, I'm not trying to–"

"What's your favorite?"

Cassian took a deep breath. "Jyn, can we talk about this later?"

Jyn glared. "I already invited him."

"Yes, but you said–"

Her hand clenched around a carton of moof milk. _I dare you to finish that sentence._

He clearly thought better of it and turned to Lyra. "Why don't we go into living room and I can look at those pictures, eh?" He nudged her gently out of the kitchen. "Jyn, if you clean up the lunch dishes, I can start dinner in a few minutes. Nothing rehydrated, that's probably all Bodhi's been eating for the past month."

Jyn watched them go and clenched her jaw. She knew the only reason he hadn't pushed harder was because Lyra was there. She also knew she was being unreasonable and would have to apologize later, but she couldn't help it. She always bristled when it came to Lyra's behavior. Or, misbehavior. She hated the temptation to ask for help or relief, and Cassian's suggestion that she needed it. She could handle herself, and she could handle her family.

Cassian kept Lyra busy until Jyn was done cleaning the kitchen, then Jyn took over while Cassian cooked. She kept Lyra occupied with her toys for the most part, but eventually Lyra got bored with her stuffed wampa and tooka dolls and began inching towards the kitchen. When Jyn tried to gently keep her in the living room so she wouldn't bother Cassian, Lyra squealed and ran into the kitchen anyway. Jyn caught her before she could run headlong into the oven and sat in the nearest chair, pulling Lyra onto her lap.

"Okay, we can stay here but you can't run around while Papa's cooking."

Lyra nodded.

"Do you want to hear a story?"

"Story!"

"Okay." Jyn looked around, then grabbed Cassian's datapad from the counter. Formerly a thing reserved for field reports and mission debriefs, it was now also cluttered with children's stories, holo-lullabies, and even a few games. "How about… The Bantha and the Loth-Cat?"

 

What followed was nearly an hour of treasured peace. Lyra listened attentively to two whole stories without making a fuss or getting distracted. After the enchiladas were done, Cassian joined them at the table. At the end of the second story, Jyn's lap was falling asleep and she looked up to see if Cassian could take Lyra, but he was slumped over the table, head pillowed on his arms. She pressed her lips together.

"Cassian." She nudged his leg under the table. "Wake up."

"Not asleep," he mumbled. He sat up and rubbed his face.

"Were, too," said Lyra.

Cassian winced and pressed a hand to his temple.

Jyn thought he looked paler than he had before, and he was swallowing carefully. Lyra started squirming so Jyn put her down, watching as she ran back to the living room. Jyn kept her voice low. "Maybe you should go lie down."

He leaned into his hands. "We haven't even eaten yet."

"Yeah, but you look tired. Just lie down for a little bit." She paused. "And– I'm sorry about earlier. I know I wasn't being fair."

"It's okay." He sighed. "I wasn't being honest." He didn't elaborate, but his face was pinched and his shoulders were rigid, so Jyn guessed he had a pretty bad headache at least.

"Seriously, go lie down."

His frown deepened. "Are you sure? What about–?" He nodded towards the living room, where Jyn could see Lyra playing with her toy speeders, making high-pitched sputtering sounds with her mouth. They both watched her for a minute.

"I think she's calmed down," said Jyn. "I'll be fine. Just get some rest."

Cassian nodded. He stood carefully, holding onto the chair until he was fully upright, and went to their bedroom. When he passed Lyra on the way, she abandoned her speeders and followed him. Jyn sighed and held her back. She watched the door shut and child-locked it.

"Why don't we read another story?"

"Where's Papa going?"

"Papa's resting, sweetheart." She brought Lyra back to the living room and sat with her on the sofa.

Lyra frowned. "Is it bedtime?"

"No, he's just tired."

" _You_ tired, too?"

"No." _Not yet._ Her datapad blinked from the coffee table with a message from Bodhi that they'd landed at the temple. She turned back to Lyra. "But guess who's coming tonight? Uncle Bodhi!"

Lyra smiled and clapped her hands. "Unca Both-ee!"

"That's right. Uncle _Bod-_ hi."

" _Bod-_ hi," Lyra said.

"Yes, _Bodhi._ " Jyn beamed at her. For all the moments (or hours) she was frustrated with her daughter, Lyra made up for it in one of these. She had such a beautiful smile, she was so clever (Jyn was looking forward to witnessing epic battles of wits with Cassian when she was older), and so _happy_ it still made Jyn tear up sometimes when she should be laughing. Because for the longest time she thought she would never get here, that this could never be her life. The war had taken almost everything from her, but she would've fought a thousand wars for this. For a world where her daughter could be happy.

"Mama, I'm tirsty."

Jyn blinked back to the present. "Of course, sweetie. Is water okay?"

"Moof mick!"

"Moof milk? Alright. Come on." Jyn carried Lyra to the kitchen and began the clumsy process of preparing a sippy cup of milk with one hand. She handed the cup to Lyra and went to put the carton away when she noticed the heating plate keeping the enchiladas warm had gone off. She frowned and delicately felt the sides of the pan. They were still warm, so it couldn't've been off for that long, but fiddling with the switch did nothing. She crouched down awkwardly and opened a drawer, leaning around Lyra's head to look for a screwdriver and some pliers. It was probably a loose wire or something.

She vaguely heard Lyra fiddling with the sippy cup's seal, but didn't pay attention until she heard a _pop_ and the front of her shirt was drenched in milk. The cup's lid clattered to the floor and Jyn stared at Lyra, holding the empty cup in her fist and looking back at Jyn with wide eyes.

Jyn felt a surge of exasperation but bit it down, something she'd been working on recently. "Whoops!" She forced some lightness.

"Sorry." Lyra reached out and tried to pat Jyn's shirt with her fingers.

"It's okay, honey. Umm…" Jyn took the empty cup from Lyra, then carried her back to the living room and put her in front of her toys. "How about you play with your speeders for a bit while I get a new shirt?" She turned and started towards the bedroom.

Lyra followed her. "I come, too?"

Jyn paused. She didn't quite trust Lyra not to squeal in Cassian's ear when she saw him. "Just play with your speeders. I'll be back in a minute. Weren't they in rainforest last time? You can't just leave them there, they'll get rusty."

Lyra thought about this for a second, but eventually seemed to find it an acceptable response and went back to the living room.

Jyn breathed a sigh of relief and slipped into the bedroom.

Cassian stirred. "Jyn?"

"Sorry. Lyra spilled milk all over me and I need a clean shirt." Jyn made her way in the dark to the closet and began feeling around. "Go back to sleep."

"No, I can help," he said, although he didn't make a move to sit up.

Jyn found a new shirt and tugged the old one over her head. She pulled the new one on and went back to the bed, sitting beside Cassian and trying to get a better look at him. He was lying on his side, legs slightly bent and arms curled in front of him. She couldn't get a good look at his color in the dim light, but his shoulders still looked tense and he was whispering, which probably meant his throat wasn't doing much better.

She pressed a hand to his forehead. "You're warm."

"Your hand is freezing."

"Bodhi will be here soon."

"I can get up."

She pressed her lips together and moved her hand to his cheek. "You shouldn't. You don't have to. Just stay and sleep. We'll be quiet."

He sighed quietly and turned his head into her hand, pressing a kiss into her palm. "Maybe ten more minutes."

Jyn doubted he would be awake in ten minutes but she humored him. "Sure."

"You don't believe me," he said. Funny how he could always read her, even under the weather and lying in the darkness.

She and leaned forward and kissed his clammy forehead. "Well, you're a liar," she said, although this time there was a smile behind it. She sat back and rubbed his shoulder. "Just get some rest. Everything's under control."

 

Jyn slipped out of their room and froze. "Lyra?"

Lyra turned from where she was sitting in the hallway in front of the mirror.

"Lyra." Jyn took a step toward her and tried to keep her tone neutral, because Lyra only had one response when she knew she was in trouble. A slow, naughty grin spread across her face and she lowered the scissors into her lap, procured from the drawer in the kitchen Jyn had opened to look for a screwdriver. Black curls littered the floor around her. Jyn took another careful step forward, but Lyra giggled and scrambled backwards, still clutching the scissors.

Jyn couldn't help it. She felt her lips tighten and eyes narrow into her "disapproval face" (as Cassian called it), and the standoff abruptly ended. Lyra squealed and began running. Jyn caught her before she ran three feet and wrestled the scissors from her fingers. Lyra promptly went boneless in Jyn's grip began wailing loudly. Jyn marched into the kitchen and replaced the scissors, making sure to kick the drawer closed (with perhaps a little more force than necessary). Lyra continued to struggle in her arms, so Jyn brought her back to the living room and put her down, where she flopped over and began a fresh round of howling.

"Shh, shh, Lyra, shhh." The sound was more desperate than comforting. Jyn thought of Cassian trying to sleep at the other end of their small house. She tried to prop Lyra up and look into her eyes. "I'm not mad, honey, I promise. I'm not mad. But you know you're not supposed to play with scissors, don't you?"

This only caused more sobbing and Lyra tried to twist away.

"Sweetie, I know you're upset but please be quiet. Papa's sleeping, remember? Shhh." Jyn made a show of putting her finger to her lips the way Lyra had done earlier that afternoon. "Shhh."

There was a buzz and Bodhi's voice came over the comm from outside. "Hey, Jyn, Cassian, and uh, Lyra! We made it!"

Jyn wanted desperately to hit something. Of _course_ Bodhi would arrive in the middle of a meltdown. Of _course_ Lyra had to throw a tantrum. Of _course_ Cassian got Lyra's fever. She'd survived _battles_ , she'd survived a _war_. She'd nearly _died_. How did this feel like the worst day ever? She glanced between Lyra, still wailing on the floor, and the front door. _Kriff._ For lack of a better idea, she swallowed her pride, scooped up her child, and went to answer the door.

Bodhi blinked and his eyes widened when he saw them, but quickly got his reaction under control. "Uh… hey, Jyn."

Jyn turned Lyra's head towards Bodhi. "Lyra, look who it is!"

"Unca Both-ee!" Right on cue, Lyra seemed to forget whatever she was upset about and gave Bodhi her widest smile.

Jyn breathed a shaky sigh of relief and tried to muster a similar response, but quickly gave up. "Hey, Bodhi. Welcome to our home."

 

Back in the kitchen, Jyn checked the enchiladas and had to bite down on her tongue to keep from cursing. The heating plate was broken. And she hadn't fixed it. "Cassian made your favorite but, um, they're not exactly hot anymore."

"That's okay," Bodhi said cheerfully. He had Lyra on his knee and was looking at pictures on her coloring pad. "Cassian's cooking is great at any temperature, and I'm starving."

Jyn didn't try to make conversation over dinner, just listened to Bodhi's story about all the places he'd been for the past month and made sure Lyra didn't make too much of a mess.

Bodhi didn't ask her any direct questions until Lyra had finished and Jyn was wiping down her face with a wet towel. "Speaking of which, where is Cassian? I thought he was out somewhere when we arrived but he's not back yet so…"

Jyn sighed. "He's in our room. He went to bed early."

"Oh. Uhh, sorry if–"

"No, it's okay. Look, it's getting kind of late for Lyra. Let me put her to bed and then we can talk more."

"Sure. I'll be here… I guess."

"I have made caf," said Kay. "Jyn, I have fixed the heating plate and will keep yours warm while you attend to your offspring."

Jyn had never loved the droid more.

 

* * *

 

Forty minutes later, Jyn sank into a chair across from Bodhi while Kay swept up the hair in the hallway and began picking up the living room.

"You know, we don't have to talk if you're too tired," said Bodhi.

She almost laughed. "Thanks, but I need an extended conversation with a rational adult right now."

His lips quirked. "Happy to be of service."

There was a pause while she sipped her caf.

"So… Cassian's asleep already?"

She rubbed her eyes. "Yeah. Or, I hope so. Lyra was sick last week and apparently couldn't keep it to herself."

"Ah. Is he okay?"

"Should be. It's just a fever and a sore throat so far."

"Oh. Well, good. How's Lyra, then?"

Jyn groaned and put her head on the table. "You saw us earlier."

Kay returned from the living room. "At this stage in her development, Lyra is learning to exert her independence, but her communication skills have not similarly developed. Many human parents find their children difficult to manage around this age."

Jyn glared. "I hadn't noticed."

"Did she uh, get into the scissors?" Bodhi gestured vaguely at his ponytail.

Jyn pressed her face into her hands. " _Yes._ Kriff, I'm going to have to do something about that tomorrow."

He chuckled. "You know, my mom said once that every parent she knew had a story about their kid and self-administered haircuts."

"Great. I can cross that off my list. Never again."

"Also… this may not be the time to mention this but… I think your shirt is on backwards."

" _Shit_." Jyn pressed her hand to her collar. She groaned and slumped back on the table. "Force, why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"It never seemed like a good time."

"I don't know why I try."

Bodhi shrugged. "You were distracted."

Jyn snorted. "I never thought I'd wish for an infant again, but that would almost be easier."

"Don't worry, she'll grow out of it."

"Not soon enough."

"Based on the characteristics of her progenitors, the probability is high that she will remain uncommonly stubborn. As will any other potential offspring."

Bodhi's eyes widened. "Are you–?"

" _No_." Jyn scowled.

"But do you _want_ –?"

"No. I mean, I don't know."

"Have you… talked about it?"

"Not in detail. And definitely not in the last couple of weeks."

"Ah." Bodhi looked down at his empty caf cup and shifted awkwardly in his seat.

"Cassian has expressed on several occasions his desire for another child," said Kay.

Jyn's mouth dropped open. "What occasions?"

Bodhi turned red and cleared his throat. "Kay, do you think, maybe, Cassian said those things in confidence?"

Kay stared at them. "He did not specify a need for discretion. Most recently, it was upon returning from the bar with Lieutenant Dameron at a rather unreasonable hour."

Jyn groaned. "He was _drunk_? Kriff, that means he was telling the truth."

Bodhi hesitated. "Do you… not feel the same way?"

"I… I don't know. I never thought about _planning_ to have one. Lyra just kind of… happened."

"Well… what if another one just _happened_? How would you feel then?"

"Since when were you a therapist?"

Bodhi shrugged. "It's not like you have to decide right now or anything. I'm just asking."

Jyn sighed. "I mean, I guess Cassian would be over the kriffing moon. Even though he'd only tell his _droid_."

"Pardon me, but I have been Cassian's closest friend for significantly longer than either of you have known him and I–"

"Yeah, well I'm his wife, so shut up."

Bodhi nodded thoughtfully. "He always seemed like a family man to me."

Jyn's glare returned. "Don't start."

"I'm just saying. I know we all knew him as the spy with no attachments but he really seems suited to all this domestic stuff."

"Force, did you just call us _domestic_?"

Bodhi blinked. "Well… aren't you?"

Jyn looked around the kitchen. There were dinner dishes drying next to the sink, a fridge full of groceries for the week. She could see the living room from where she was sitting, and although Kay had cleaned up a bit, there was still a basket of toys in the corner, a coloring pad on the side table. She imagined their closet, which now contained more clothes than they knew what to do with. The drawers of their bedside tables were cluttered with knickknacks and accumulated personal items, in the kitchen they were full of household supplies and simple tools. 

"You're _smiling_."

"Am not!" Jyn felt her neck burning.

"You are! You _like_ this. You'd never admit it but you _like_ it!"

"Well, it means we're not fighting a kriffing _war_ , so yeah, I like it!"

"And you would love nothing more than to just stay here forever, just you and Cassian and your four kids just living happy domestic lives."

"We are not having _four_ kids. We are having _two_ kids–" She glared at his triumphant expression. "– _maybe_."

"I think you should call the next one 'Rook.' Boy or girl."

"That is an absurd name for a child," said Kay. "You should obviously call it 'Kay.'"

Even Bodhi looked faintly horrified at this suggestion. "Seriously though," he said. "If it _is_  something you want, not just Cassian, you should just… go for it. Might as well make the most of your life, right?"

Jyn swallowed and stared at her empty mug. "Right."

 

* * *

 

She tried to crawl into bed quietly, but she could tell Cassian was awake when he shuffled to make room for her under the covers. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"Mm. I was."

"Sorry for waking you."

"'S okay."

Jyn turned over to face him. She knew she should probably let him get back to sleep, but she couldn't help it. "Cassian?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Do you really want another baby?"

Cassian stilled. "Kay."

"Apparently you never 'specified a need for discretion.'"

He rolled onto his back, eyes still closed. "We don't have to if you don't want to, Jyn, I just…" He sighed. "I love Lyra _so much_ , even when she's a terror and I love _you_ and… I don't know." He rubbed his forehead and Jyn remembered he was sick.

"It's okay. It's just… Kay said something and I had to know. But we can talk about it later. You should go to sleep." She started to turn away.

"Wait." Cassian put a hand on her shoulder. "Do you– what do _you_ think?"

Jyn took a deep breath. "I think… I love you, too. And I think I like 'domestic.'"

"What does that mean?"

"It means… I think we should try. You know, try and continue being 'domestic.'"

In the faint light, she thought she could see him smile. "Any other night, I'd kiss you," he murmured.

She put a hand on his cheek. Still warm. "Go to sleep," she said. "There will be many other nights to kiss me." She felt him smile wider, and she couldn't help but smile, too because they knew it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter (by request featuring Bodhi and Kay and Lyra)!
> 
> Thank you so much for your kudos/comments! I hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Just Like That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Where do babies come from?"_
> 
> _"Uhh… well. They, um…" He made a show of looking at the chrono. "Wow, it's getting late."_
> 
>  
> 
>    
> Bodhi and Kay babysit Lyra. It goes about as well as can be expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much Jyn/Cassian in this one, but as promised, more fluff with Bodhi and Kay!

"She's already had dinner, but if she gets hungry there's fruit in the fridge. She'll ask you for cookies but she's already had two today, so–"

"Cassian!"

Cassian nearly dropped his datapad and turned abruptly from Bodhi to Jyn, leaning against the doorway with her teeth locked as another contraction hit her. "Okay. Sorry. Okay. Okay. I'm coming. Just let me–"

" _Let's go_ or I will have this baby on the kriffing porch!"

"That's a bad word!" said Lyra. She had one hand fisted around Cassian's pant leg and the other in her mouth.

Cassian pulled it out. "Bodhi, I'll send you the whole list later. Lyra, we talked about this–"

" _Cassian!_ "

"Right. Okay. Right." Cassian removed Lyra's other hand from his pants. "You be good for Uncle Bodhi, alright? You'll see Mama and me again soon."

"When?"

"Very soon."

"Why do I stay here?"

"Uh…"

"I swear to _kriff_." Jyn's knuckles were white around the doorframe.

Bodhi decided it was probably time to intervene. "C'mere, Lyra." He picked her up and settled her on his hip. "Let's let Mama and Papa go. We can wave at them from the door, how about that?"

Cassian took a few breaths to calm himself and turned back to Jyn. "Ready?"

She glared at him. "Ages ago."

"Okay. Let's go." He wiped the sweat of his palms and began helping her to their speeder.

Bodhi followed them as far as the porch with Lyra. He could hear them bickering from the doorway.

"This is all your fault, you know. I blame you."

"You weren't exactly complaining, if I recall."

"You're on solo diaper-changing duty for _months_."

Lyra flapped her chubby hand as the speeder disappeared down the street to the medcenter, then put the hand in her mouth. Bodhi took it out.

"What did your Papa say?"

Lyra smiled, unrepentant.

Bodhi rolled his eyes. "Do you know what's going to happen tonight?"

She shook her head.

He walked her back to the living room and sat with her on the sofa. "They're going to have a new baby."

"The one that's in Mama's tummy?"

"Exactly."

Kay walked in from the kitchen. "Pilot Rook, are you unaware of the distinctions between the human digestive and reproductive systems? Jyn and Cassian's unborn progeny has actually been developing in an organ quite separate from the stomach–"

"Right." Bodhi felt himself turning red. He turned back to Lyra. "Anyway, the baby is going to… come out of Mama tonight and tomorrow you will have a new brother or sister."

"I still do not understand why they chose not to learn the sex of the child. Then they could have chosen a name."

Bodhi smirked. "'Rook' works for either gender."

Kay's eyes flashed. "They are not naming the child 'Rook.'"

"You think they'll name it 'Kay?'"

Lyra seemed to sense that the conversation no longer included her and climbed off the sofa to her basket of toys. Bodhi kept one eye on her and one eye on the droid.

"I don't know," Kay said, sounding more than a bit grumpy. "Just as you don't know they will call it after you. Cassian has been extremely secretive about the name."

"Maybe to us." Bodhi had an idea. "Hey, Lyra. Did you ever hear your parents talk about what they're going to call the baby?"

Lyra looked up from her tooka dolls, which she was in the process of stuffing under the radiator. "Yeah."

"Really?" Bodhi quirked an eyebrow at Kay. "What did they say? Do you remember?"

"Ummm." Lyra rolled her eyes to the ceiling, seeming to enjoy that she had information Bodhi wanted. "They said… what did I want to name it."

"That is a foolish thing to ask a toddler," said Kay

Bodhi ignored it. "Is that right? What did you say?"

"I said… 'Wampa.'" She giggled.

"And why's that?"

Lyra shrugged and began pulling the tooka dolls out from under the radiator again. "I dunno."

"Did they say what _they_ wanted to name it?"

"Mama said they were _dixcussing_ it."

"Ah. And you know what 'discussing' means?"

"No."

"It means Mama's already decided and just has to convince Papa." He grinned and raised his eyebrows at Kay.

Kay made a noise suspiciously close to a scoff. "That is hardly the correct definition of 'discussing.'"

Bodhi shrugged. "Close enough. Right, Lyra?" He winked.

"Right!" She pulled one eye closed with her finger.

"She cannot corroborate your lie. She hardly knows what she's agreeing to."

"You know, research has shown that human three-year-olds are a lot smarter than we give them credit for."

"I'm almost four!" Lyra proudly held up four fingers.

"Sorry. Almost-four-year-olds. Lyra, what are you doing with your poor tooka dolls?" The stuffed cats were now rather unceremoniously piled under the holo. Lyra was poking at them to make sure all their fuzzy limbs stayed under the low table.

"They're hiding."

"Hiding from what?"

"Shhh." Lyra reached into her basket and pulled out her stuffed wampa.

"Oh, I see. Is the wampa hunting them?"

She shook her head. "His name is Wampy." She paused and looked at Bodhi from under her eyelashes. "Is there any more cookies? Papa made tooka-cat cookies."

"Did he." Bodhi kept his voice carefully even.

"Yeah. He let me choose the colors of frosting, too."

"And what colors did you choose?"

Lyra began pulling out the tooka dolls one at a time. "I like… purple. And I like blue. And I like green. But not light green. Dark green. Like this." She pulled out the last doll and brought it over to Bodhi.

"Very pretty."

"Is there any left?" She stared up at him with wide eyes and slightly pouted lips.

Bodhi wondered how often that expression worked on her parents. And which one was more susceptible. He willed himself to be strong. "I think your Papa said you could have fruit tonight if you were still hungry."

"But is there cookies?"

Bodhi hesitated. "I believe there are still some cookies left over, yes."

Lyra nodded solemnly.

There was a brief staring contest.

"Unless I am misunderstanding the _subtext_ of this conversation, I believe Lyra is asking for cookies," said Kay.

Bodhi tried not to roll his eyes. "Nooooo," he drawled. "Lyra would never do that. Especially when she knows she's not supposed to have any more cookies today." He raised his eyebrows at her.

Lyra smiled angelically up at him, then threw her arms around his leg. "Never!"

Bodhi laughed and scooped her up, lifting her to his knee.

She bounced and clapped her hands. "Higher!"

When she was littler, barely more than a baby, he used to toss her in the air over his head and catch her, much to her delight and Cassian's annoyance. "You're getting a little big for that, don't you think?"

"No!"

"Yes, you are. You're going to be a _big sister_ , remember? Aren't you excited?"

"Will the baby be really small?"

"The baby will be _very_ small."

"Like this?" Lyra grinned and held up her thumb and forefinger.

"Not quite. More like this." Bodhi didn't really know how long newborns were, but he held up his hands around two feet apart.

"Like this?" Lyra laughed and pinched her fingers closer together.

"Actually, the average length of a human infant at the time of birth is 20 inches, or approximately 1.67 feet. Also, I have been programmed to tell you that Lyra's bedtime is in 60 standard minutes," said Kay.

Bodhi's eyes widened. "Uh oh, Lyra. Do you know what that means?"

"No bedtime!"

"Yes, bedtime."

Before he could react, Lyra scrambled off his lap and bolted towards the kitchen.

Kay looked at him, judgmental eyes glowing in the dim light. "There was a 92% chance she would resist. Even you could have predicted that."

 

* * *

 

An hour and a half later, Bodhi was panting, his ponytail had come undone, and he was somehow missing a sock, but Lyra was tucked into bed, in her pajamas, teeth brushed, and just-in-case trip to the 'fresher completed. He could hear Kay in the hallway, picking up after the bedtime 'routine.' It had acted like the battle was nothing out of the ordinary, and Bodhi marveled that Jyn and Cassian apparently did this _every night_. And how would they do it with a newborn?

"Story?" said Lyra, wiggling under the covers.

 _Kriff_. "Umm… I don't have any stories, Lyra." Unlike Jyn and Cassian's datapads, nearly unrecognizable from their Alliance days, his was still basically flight logs, inventories, and comms.

"What about real stories?"

Bodhi hesitated. He would be hard pressed to make most of his exciting stories child-appropriate, and those he could clean up she'd heard already. "You've heard all my real stories."

"What about the story of your mama and papa?"

Bodhi's throat tightened. "I– I don't know if that's a good story for tonight."

"Oh." Her brow pinched. "Is your mama and papa not-here?" She said it like it was one word. "Like Mama's papa is not-here?"

He swallowed. "Yeah. They're not-here."

"I'm sorry." She reached out and patted his hand.

He took a deep breath. "It's okay. Here, scoot over."

She shuffled and made room for him.

"How about I tell you the story of _your_ mama and papa? Have you ever heard that?"

She shook her head.

"Well. You probably know that Papa was a soldier for the _Alliance_ , which was fighting the evil Empire. And he was very good at it. He would wear disguises and go out and talk to people, and tell the Alliance what he heard. And Mama… she was a fighter, too. And she was fighting the Empire all on her own. But she knew something really important to the Alliance, so they sent Papa to go find her, so she could help them."

"And he found her?"

"Yes, he did. And she didn't like him at first.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. And Papa didn't trust her."

"Why not?"

"Because Mama… worked… all alone back then. She didn't have rules, and she didn't like to follow them."

"I don't like rules, either."

"I know." Bodhi wiggled his bare toes and she giggled. "You get that from her."

"What about Papa?"

"Well, your Papa was a soldier his whole life. He was _very_ stubborn. But _very_ loyal. He stood up for your Mama when no one else did. And he helped her finish the mission they started together."

"And then they fell in love?"

"Not right away. They were just friends for a long time. But eventually, yes. They fell in love. And then when the war ended they had you, and then your little brother or sister."

"How did they have me?"

Bodi abruptly flushed. "What do you mean?" _Don't say it_.

"Where do babies come from?"

His mind went blank and he struggled to find a suitable answer. "Uhh… well. They, um…" He made a show of looking at the chrono. "Wow, it's getting late." He stood up and made to pull the blankets over her again.

She pushed them back. "But you didn't answer."

"Right. Well… why don't you ask your Mama and Papa when we see them tomorrow morning?"

She considered it, then said, "Okay."

"Okay." Hopefully she'd forget. Or else Jyn and Cassian were going to kill him. Oh well. That was tomorrow. He turned off Lyra's X-wing patterned lamp. "Night-night, Lyra."

"Night-night."

 

* * *

 

Late that night, Bodhi was dozing in front of the holo turned on low when his datapad chimed with a message from Cassian. _Jyn's okay. The baby's okay. The medic approved visitors tomorrow morning._

Bodhi smiled and clumsily tapped, _See you then._

 _Did Lyra behave_?

He'd never found that sock, but there was no need to go into detail now. _Yeah, she was perfect._ And, because he couldn't help himself, _Is it a boy or a girl?_

He had to wait a few minutes, but eventually Cassian wrote, _You'll see_.

Oh, kriff off. Bodhi didn't know whose idea it was to be so secretive about the whole thing, but it was getting old. He almost didn't feel sorry for pawning off Lyra's awkward question. Almost. _Fiiiine. See you tomorrow._

_See you._

 

* * *

 

Cassian met them outside the medcenter the next morning.

"Papa!" Lyra let go of Bodhi's hand and ran towards him. Cassian had circles under his eyes– Bodhi wondered how much sleep he'd gotten– but scooped up Lyra without any hesitation.

" _Buenos días_ , _mija_." He kissed her temple. "I missed you."

Lyra threw her arms around his neck.

Cassian squeezed her back. "Mama missed you, too. Are you ready to see her?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright, come on." Cassian hitched her higher on his hip and led Bodhi and Kay to the medcenter's maternity ward.

Lyra squealed when she saw Jyn from the corridor, drawing several irritated glances from the medics and 2-1Bs. Jyn looked up from the bundle in her arms and smiled. She looked tired as well, but so unbelievably happy Bodhi felt his heart swell just looking at her. She shifted the infant onto her chest and shuffled over as Cassian brought Lyra to the bed. He placed her gently down and leaned over to give Jyn a quick kiss.

"Be careful," he said as Lyra tried to clamber over Jyn.

Jyn lowered the baby so Lyra could get a better look. "Lyra," She paused and glanced up at Bodhi.

He started, surprised she would look at _him_ in such a moment.

She looked back at Lyra. "Say hello to your little sister. Katerine Rook."

Bodhi felt his eyes fill with tears and thought he might melt on the spot. He threw himself into Cassian's arms. "I'm just– so _honored_ ," he choked.

Cassian grunted but squeezed him back. "Well, we decided you were right. It is a good name."

Bodhi let go of him and circled the bed to Jyn's other side to get a better view.

"She's so tiny and red," said Lyra.

"You know, you looked like that too when you were born," said Jyn. She looked up at Bodhi. "Do you want to hold her?"

He tried to keep his voice from cracking. "Do I?" He held out his arms, prayed to the Force they weren't shaking.

"Here. She's sleeping."

Bodhi let out a breath in awe as he felt the warm weight of the newborn– Katerine– in his arms. Lyra was right, she was red and tiny. She had a soft tuft of dark hair and he could see one of her hands curled into a fist under her chin. She was beautiful.

"Mama," Somewhere in the distance he heard Lyra shift closer to Jyn. "Where do babies come from?"

Bodhi's head snapped up. _Please don't say anything else._

"Uncle Bodhi said to ask you."

If he wasn't holding Katerine, Bodhi probably would have bolted from the room right then.

Cassian looked at him over the bed and raised an eyebrow. "Did he?" He was using his 'spy' voice. It was very calm, betrayed nothing, but Bodhi knew he was in for it later.

"Yeah. I a'ksed him last night at bedtime and he said it was late and I should a'ks you tomorrow."

They were all looking at him now. Jyn looked like she was caught between laughing and wanting to punch him. Cassian's face was dangerously expressionless, but Lyra was smiling innocently up at him, oblivious to the reactions of her parents.

It was Kay, of course, who eventually broke the silence. "Pilot Rook, are you also unaware of the details surrounding human reproduction? Jyn and Cassian's offspring are the result of–"

Bodhi looked down at Katerine. "Love!" he blurted. "They're the result of love." He saw the flush creeping over Cassian's cheeks and knew he probably looked the same. Or worse.

Kay began again. "I suppose that is one way to refer to it–"

"Shut up," said Jyn. She looked at Lyra. "Uncle Bodhi's right. Sometimes, when a mama and papa love each other very much, they have children. Like you and Katerine."

Lyra peered at her sister. "Just like that?"

Cassian nodded. "Just like that."

Bodhi felt frozen, hoping against hope that Lyra would accept his explanation.

Slowly, Lyra nodded. "Okay."

Bodhi wanted to collapse in relief, but remembered his arms were currently occupied. Right on cue, Cassian came around and took the baby from his arms. Bodhi sank onto the cot set up for Cassian and took a few deep breaths. That was a close one.

He looked up when Cassian sat next to him. His face was still serious but there was a trace of humor in his eyes. He barely took his eyes off Katerine as he murmured, "Next time, Baze and Chirrut are babysitting."

He wasn't quiet enough. A used spit-up towel hit him square in the face. Years after she'd last fired a blaster, Jyn was still a great shot. "Like kriff there's going to be a next time!"

 

* * *

 

Eventually, Katerine woke up and loudly demanded to be fed. To give her some privacy, Cassian offered to take Lyra and Bodhi to the medcenter cantina. Jyn suggested Kay go with them, and glared at the droid until it followed them when it pointed out it didn't need to eat.

Cassian and Lyra went ahead, Lyra riding on Cassian's shoulders and waving at everyone who smiled up at her.

Kay and Bodhi followed them, and Bodhi remembered their discussion last night. "Tough break, Kay. They went with 'Rook' after all."

"As a middle name."

"Well, it's better than nothing."

"Correct, but it's not the first name, as was implied."

"It's better than what you got."

"On the contrary." It tilted its head a bit, and if it had a mouth, Bodhi imagined it would be smirking. "Did you hear her nickname?"

"What?"

"Cassian called her Katy."

 _Katy? Wha–_ "Dammit!" Kriff and damn those Erso-Andors. _Kay-T_. He glowered and stomped ahead of Kay and Cassian. He refused to give them the satisfaction of turning around, but he could hear Cassian laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! This series is over (for now). 
> 
> Although you can still comment anything else you might want and I might keep adding to it. :)


	6. The Pilot and the Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When she had run through all her training maneuvers twice, then once again with her eyes closed, her hands dropped into her lap and, almost unconsciously, she reached under the seat and pulled out a ratty stuffed wampa._
> 
>  
> 
> Jyn and Cassian visit their daughters on the D'Qar Resistance base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I keep saying this series is over, but then I have another idea. :) 
> 
> (Also, I apologize for any Spanish errors.)
> 
> Enjoy!

"Give it back."

Lyra heard her cabin door slide open, but didn't move from her bed and didn't look up from her datapad. Only one other person on the base knew her passcode. "Give what back."

Kat stamped her foot. "You know what. That's my favorite blaster. Give it back."

"I need it."

"For what?"

"I'll think of something."

"That's not– just give it back!"

Lyra couldn't hide her smirk anymore, but still didn't look up from her datapad. "Make me."

Kat fumed silently for a second. "Who are you messaging?"

"No one." Lyra had a killer sabaac face, but not for nothing was Kat the youngest Resistance Intelligence officer.

"Is it Poe?"

"Nope."

"It so is. Give my blaster back or I'll tell him you still collect tooka dolls."

"Go ahead."

"You think I won't? I will." Kat began to turn around.

Lyra shrugged. "I'll just tell Sergeant Potts you wet the bed until you were six."

Kat stopped and flexed her jaw. "You wouldn't."

Lyra set her datapad aside and turned to face the doorway. She slouched against the wall behind her bunk and folded her arms, one foot on the bed beside her and the other hanging off the edge. "You're right. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll tell her about about the first time you met General Organa and couldn't introduce yourself for a full minute because you were stammering." She shrugged. "Or maybe I'll just tell her you time your meals in the mess hall with her training shifts so you can run into her."

Kat fumed. "No– You– Fine! I'll just find my blaster. It's got to be in here somewhere."

Lyra scoffed. " _Buena suerte_."

Kat began circling the cabin slowly, watching for any sign of tension in her sister's face. She paused the third heap of clothes. "Do you _ever_ put your laundry away?"

Lyra scowled. "You sound like Father."

Kat rolled her eyes. "Oh, it's 'Father' now? When's the last time you talked to them?"

Lyra pinched her lips, her eyes carefully following Kat's circuit around her cabin. "Yesterday."

"Really?" Kat said lightly. "Then Mama must have told you they're arriving at the base today." She felt around the left side of Lyra's desk and pressed on a loose panel, which popped open to reveal a hidden compartment. She tucked her blaster into the holster on her thigh and and flounced out of the room.

Lyra growled and picked up her datapad, scrolling through unopened messages from her parents. Sure enough, Mother mentioned a while back they would be coming to D'Qar. The latest one was from Father, sent from their ship. They would be here in less than a standard hour. The datapad chirped with another message from Poe but she tossed it onto the bed and kicked her secret compartment closed with more force than necessary. Damn Kat. She'd need to find a new hiding place.

Feeling suddenly claustrophobic in her cabin, she left and strode through the halls of the base to the landing pad. She took a deep breath once she was outside. The air on D'Qar was sticky and unpleasant, but it was better than the stale, filtered air inside. The landing pad was mostly abandoned right now, a few pilots here and there making routine repairs, the occasional astromech weaving in between the starfighters. Lyra took a deep breath and pulled the cord out of her hair, shaking her black curls loose in the slow breeze as she walked a path nearly memorized to her ship. Her X-wing.

She opened the hatch and climbed inside. It was too hot to close it again and not turn it on, so she just sat there, relaxed back in the seat that felt like it was made for her and rested her hands loosely on the controls, fingers twitching as she mimed training maneuvers.

When she had run through all of them twice, then once again with her eyes closed, her hands dropped into her lap and, almost unconsciously, she reached under the seat and pulled out a ratty stuffed wampa. She supposed it had been white at one point, but it had long since faded to a dull brown. She could remember it being soft and fluffy once, but now it was mostly flat, after spending so much time stuffed in one bag or another. Or under the seat of a starfighter. Many of its fine hairs had fallen out or sat in matted clumps on its floppy limbs, but she ran her hands over it as if they were still soft, contemplating the jungle skyline, glowing in the late afternoon sun.

She didn't really blame Kat for her pettiness. She'd been trying to pick a fight anyway, stealing her sister's favorite blaster. It was her favorite activity, she'd been doing it since they were teenagers. It started as more of a joke, something she would do for a laugh every now and again, but recently it had taken on a harder edge.

Lyra had her own blaster, of course, a thirteenth birthday present. It had been brand new, the latest model at the time. She'd loved it. Until Kat got her first blaster, presented with a reverence Lyra felt was lacking from her own. It had been Father's, from when he was in the Rebellion. Lyra hadn't thought much of it at the time because it was used, uglier and older than her own, but it grated on her now. Another sign of Father's approval that Kat seemed to get without even trying but always evaded Lyra.

There was a rap on the underside of the ship and she jumped. The ladder to the cockpit shifted as someone climbed up and she shoved the stuffed wampa back under the seat and tried to find something to do with her hands. Her mother peered into the cockpit at Lyra picking a loose thread on her vest.

"I thought I might find you here."

Lyra looked pointedly away, shoulders stiff.

"Papa and Katy are already in the mess hall. You should join us."

"I'm not hungry."

Jyn sighed. "Come sit with us anyway. We miss you." She paused. "Cass– Papa misses you."

Lyra huffed and picked harder at the loose thread. "Sure."

Jyn frowned. "He does. Lyra, I know you're upset. But can you please come to dinner?"

The thread snapped off in her fingers and Lyra folded her arms, eyes still fixed on the fading tree-line. She didn't want to sit at a table with her parents. It would be awkward, after months of pointedly ignoring their messages and refusing to send any of her own. If Kat was there, it would be worse. She didn't want to listen in silence to Father and Kat talk about the intricacies of espionage, watch him smile when she told the story of her latest successful mission. "I don't feel like it."

"We haven't seen you in months," said Jyn. "What if something had happened?"

Lyra finally turned and raised a skeptical eyebrow. "No dogfights. You would've known." Like they didn't read Resistance logs like it was the holonews. Like she wouldn't have told them if she might be taking off for the last time.

"I know," said Jyn. "But we want to know what else you do. Between fighting."

Lyra shrugged. "Pilot for Kat's missions. The odd cargo transport. Not much."

Jyn sighed. "More than that, Lyra. Come tell us. We want to hear about it." She slapped a bug on her wrist. They were starting to come out as the temperature fell. "I'm going back inside. We have to leave for Takodana tomorrow." More quietly, "Please come and see him. He just worries about you. We both do."

Lyra watched her leave. She was too proud to follow until her mother was completely out of sight, but when the door shut after Jyn, she climbed out of the cockpit and crossed the tarmac.

She took another deep breath as she approached the mess hall. She could do this. It was only right. She could see them from the doorway, at their own table. Kay-Tu was there as well, peering disdainfully at the rehydrated meals before them, and they were laughing. Father was saying something to Kat, looking at her at his right hand side with that _look_. That look that said, _You make me so proud_. _You grew up exactly the way I'd hoped._

Lyra spun on her heel and stormed back to her cabin. She slammed the door and pressed her wrists to her eyes. She wasn't crying. She _wasn't_.

 

* * *

 

After fifteen minutes of not-crying, she stole down the hall to the 'fresher to splash some water on her face. She dried off with her sleeve and stared in the mirror. General Organa said she looked like him. Tall and tan, with dark hair and a sharp face. Kat took after their mother– shorter, fairer, but with darker eyes and more of their father's patience.

In fact, Kat was more like their father in nearly every single way outside her appearance. Lyra had her mother's impulsiveness and recklessness, her taste for adrenaline and the rush of combat. Kat had always been quieter, preferring to wait and observe. Always one to trick Kay-Tu into leaving the cookie jar on the counter instead of climbing on two chairs to get it herself.

Lyra stared in the mirror for another second to smooth the bitterness off her face, then walked back to her cabin with her head down. The door was already open and she clenched her teeth, ready to yell at Kat for breaking in again, but it was her father, sitting calmly at her desk.

He stood up when he saw her. " _Mija. Te he echado de menos._ "

She wouldn't look at him. "Go away." She knew what he was doing. He spoke Festian when he wanted to reach out to her. She spoke it better than her mother and slipped into it more often than Kat. When she was little and it was just the two of them, he used to speak it almost exclusively.

He sighed and switched to Basic. "I'm sorry, Lyra. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You never mean to." She sat on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I know. But I'm still sorry."

She'd just resolved to stop crying, but she felt tears prick her eyes again. "Right. Well, I'm sorry, too."

" _Por qué_?" He sat carefully on the bed next to her, and she let him. She couldn't decide whether to throw herself into his arms like she was a child again or scream and drive him from her room.

His hand was so close to her knee she could feel its warmth and tears dribbled down her cheeks against her will. She refused to acknowledge them by wiping them away. "I'm sorry for not being the daughter you wanted," she mumbled.

He was shaking his head before she finished. " _Eso es ridículo_. Why would you think such a thing?"

"You gave Kat your blaster."

"Lyra–"

She shook her head. She didn't want to hear his explanation for that. And it wasn't really what was bothering her. "You said you didn't want me to train as a starfighter."

Cassian stilled. " _Sí_."

Lyra felt her stomach clench. "I'm a _pilot_. It's what I _do_. It's what I _love_. I wanted to help the Resistance. As more than a cargo pilot or Kat's backup. Poe– Poe says I'm good at it."

"I'm sure you are."

She still wouldn't look at him, couldn't see his face.

"I didn't want you to fight. Neither of you. That's what your mother and I fought so hard for." He spoke softly, at nearly a whisper, but she could hear the sadness and disappointment. "We never wanted you to know this life. It makes us feel like we've failed you." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him glance around her cabin. Maybe it reminded him of his own, back in the Rebellion. Except for the piles of clothes. Maybe it looked more like Mother's.

"You haven't failed us. We haven't known it for long." She grew up in peace because of them. She'd never thought they'd fought for nothing. "Hopefully it won't be much longer. Poe says he's going to find Master Luke." She finally looked at him, and he was smiling crookedly.

" _Esperanza_ ," he said. "You live up to your middle name."

Lyra's lips twitched. "You should've called _me_ 'Rook.' Then I could say, 'I am the pilot Rook.'"

Cassian shrugged. "We already have a Pilot Rook. I think I prefer 'Pilot Andor.'"

She shook her head, but she was smiling. "It doesn't quite have the same ring to it."

"Maybe not." He caught her eye. "But I'm still proud of her. Of _you_."

She didn't say anything, but she didn't look away. He put his arm around her and pulled her into his side. She let him, and let go of the pillow to wrap her arms around his waist. "I'm not like Katy," she said.

"Good," he said. "You're not Katy. You're Lyra."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Auughhh This was supposed to be a fun, lighthearted thing, but then it turned angsty out of _nowhere_.
> 
> Also I hate writing about the Resistance because I hate thinking about babies Erso-Andor fighting another war but I couldn't help it.
> 
>  
> 
> Okay _now_ this series is over. Maybe. Probably.


End file.
